The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?

#proportion #people

The total number of elderly

people

is rising ,

this

essay will discuss

two

main causes and

two

solutions.

Main

Correct article usage

The main

show examples

reasons for

increased

Add an article

an increased

the increased

show examples

number of older

people

are better

life

expectancy

and improved health facilities.

Life

expectancy

improved from the years before because of

health

Replace the word

healthy

show examples

eating habits

i.e

Correct your spelling

i.e.

consuming

balanced

Add an article

a balanced

show examples

diet.

On the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

it is because of general improvement in the quality of

life

i.e standards of living are much better now. So if

people

live well they live longer.

Additionally

better facilities like hospitals and clinics,

these

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

have modern equipment for procedures.

It is clear that

an advanced chemotherapy machine will likely heal a person and increase the older population, same as

life

expectancy

the better it is,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

means more older

people

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

solutions to

this

Change the verb form

are

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

availability

Correct article usage

the availability

show examples

of more affordable

care

homes

and more recruitment

Change preposition

show examples

Carers. Affordable

care

homes

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

means

Correct subject-verb agreement

mean

show examples

that the aged community will

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

have a place to stay and

being

Wrong verb form

show examples

taken

care

of.

Whereas

more Carers means that the staff in the

care

homes

will not be overworked

thus

deliver

Wrong verb form

delivering

show examples

better quality service to their residents.

To conclude

the aged population has increased and

this

essay discussed

two

main causes

being

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

better health

well being

Add a hyphen

well-being

show examples

and improved

life

expectancy

. Ok addition it suggested

two

solutions which are more

care

homes

and more staff to work in those facilities.

Submitted by mj on Thu Jan 18 2024

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Task Achievement

For a better score in 'Task Achievement', ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt comprehensively. This includes not only identifying problems and solutions but also expanding on them with specific examples and explanations to give the reader a clear understanding of your points. Additionally, include a variety of complex sentence structures to show language proficiency.

Coherence and Cohesion

To improve 'Coherence and Cohesion', work on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Make sure to use appropriate linking words to guide the reader through your argument and improve the flow of your essay. Avoid repetitiveness and try to paraphrase effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

229 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many places, people's lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think the advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people believe that university students should be free to choose any courses they want to study, while others argue that they should only be allowed to study courses that will be useful in the future such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Nowadays, the internet offers a lot of benefits in people’s lives, however, it produces new negative effects in society. This essay will explain the paramount problems that might appear of using the internet and propose the solutions for this issue.

The total oil consumption of four major consumers from 2009 to 2030