IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The proportion of older people is increasing, what problems will this cause and what solutions can be suggested?

#proportion #people
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The total number of elderly
people
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 is rising ,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
two
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 main causes and
two
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 solutions.
Main
Correct article usage
The main
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 reasons for
increased
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an increased
the increased
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 number of older
people
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 are better
life
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expectancy
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 and improved health facilities.
Life
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expectancy
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 improved from the years before because of
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 eating habits
i.e
Correct your spelling
i.e.
 consuming
balanced
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a balanced
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 diet.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
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hand,
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 it is because of general improvement in the quality of
life
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 i.e standards of living are much better now. So if
people
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 live well they live longer.
Additionally
Linking Words
 better facilities like hospitals and clinics,
these
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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have modern equipment for procedures.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 an advanced chemotherapy machine will likely heal a person and increase the older population, same as
life
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expectancy
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 the better it is,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
means more older
people
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.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 solutions to
this
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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availability
Correct article usage
the availability
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 of more affordable
care
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homes
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 and more recruitment
in
Change preposition
of
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 Carers. Affordable
care
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homes
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,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
means
Correct subject-verb agreement
mean
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 that the aged community will
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
have a place to stay and
being
Wrong verb form
be
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 taken
care
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 of.
Whereas
Linking Words
 more Carers means that the staff in the
care
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homes
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 will not be overworked
thus
Linking Words
deliver
Wrong verb form
delivering
show examples
 better quality service to their residents.
To conclude
Linking Words
 the aged population has increased and
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed
two
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 main causes
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
better health
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 and improved
life
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expectancy
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. Ok addition it suggested
two
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 solutions which are more
care
Use synonyms
homes
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 and more staff to work in those facilities.
Submitted by mj on

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Task Achievement
For a better score in 'Task Achievement', ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt comprehensively. This includes not only identifying problems and solutions but also expanding on them with specific examples and explanations to give the reader a clear understanding of your points. Additionally, include a variety of complex sentence structures to show language proficiency.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve 'Coherence and Cohesion', work on organizing the essay into clear paragraphs with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph. Make sure to use appropriate linking words to guide the reader through your argument and improve the flow of your essay. Avoid repetitiveness and try to paraphrase effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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