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Band 4

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid word. Some people regard this completely wrong, while others consider it to be valuable work experience, which is important for learning and talking responsibility . What is your opinion?

#countries #children #word #people #work #responsibility
It is
undoubtly
Correct your spelling
undoubtedly
 believed that
children
 should learn not only hard skills but
also
 soft skills through various
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
. Some assert that
children
 can improve their sense of responsibility by involving in paid
work
, whilst others think it is totally unacceptable.
This
 essay will examine both
perspective
Correct pronoun usage
my perspective
show examples
 and my opinion before a
conclustion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
. Through
work
experience
,
children
 can be taught other knowledge and attitudes that are not covered by school. As employees,
children
 will do some
work
, follow
Correct article usage
the supervisor's
show examples
supervisor's
Correct article usage
the supervisor's
show examples
 guidelines, and earn money. By doing so, young students can feel a sense of achievement, and understand what the real responsibility is.
Moreover
, they can learn
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
basic economic knowledge by earning and managing their money, and it is a necessary thing when they are grown up.
On the other hand
, some people deem that getting
children
participate
Fix the infinitive
to participate
show examples
 in
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paid
work
 has no educational value. Since kids are too young to handle things that happen at
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workplace, the possibility of accidents always exists. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
minor accidents, if they
occurs
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
,
children
 may feel terrified and have a negative perception
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
work
.
Therefore
,
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 disadvantages of
children
's vocational
experience
 outweigh its advantages.
To sum up
, there are pros and cons of
children
's
work
experience
. I think on balance that
children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not mature enough to do some paid
work
, and teenagers are the best time to start with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
experience
.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question in your introduction and conclusion to make your opinion clear.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples to support your arguments. This helps to elaborate on your perspective and strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing so that each central idea is fully developed before moving on to the next one. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and a logical progression of thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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