IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid word. Some people regard this completely wrong, while others consider it to be valuable work experience, which is important for learning and talking responsibility . What is your opinion?

#countries #children #word #people #work #responsibility
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It is
undoubtly
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undoubtedly
 believed that
children
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 should learn not only hard skills but
also
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 soft skills through various
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experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
. Some assert that
children
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 can improve their sense of responsibility by involving in paid
work
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, whilst others think it is totally unacceptable.
This
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 essay will examine both
perspective
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my perspective
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 and my opinion before a
conclustion
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conclusion
. Through
work
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experience
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,
children
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 can be taught other knowledge and attitudes that are not covered by school. As employees,
children
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 will do some
work
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, follow
Correct article usage
the supervisor's
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supervisor's
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the supervisor's
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 guidelines, and earn money. By doing so, young students can feel a sense of achievement, and understand what the real responsibility is.
Moreover
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, they can learn
about
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apply
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basic economic knowledge by earning and managing their money, and it is a necessary thing when they are grown up.
On the other hand
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, some people deem that getting
children
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participate
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to participate
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 in
such
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a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
paid
work
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 has no educational value. Since kids are too young to handle things that happen at
a
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the
show examples
 workplace, the possibility of accidents always exists. Despite
of
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apply
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minor accidents, if they
occurs
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occur
show examples
,
children
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 may feel terrified and have a negative perception
on
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of
show examples
work
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.
Therefore
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,
educational
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the educational
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 disadvantages of
children
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's vocational
experience
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 outweigh its advantages.
To sum up
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, there are pros and cons of
children
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's
work
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experience
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. I think on balance that
children
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is
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are
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 not mature enough to do some paid
work
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, and teenagers are the best time to start with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
experience
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.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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task achievement
Be sure to directly address the question in your introduction and conclusion to make your opinion clear.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples to support your arguments. This helps to elaborate on your perspective and strengthens your essay.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the cohesion of your essay by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraphing so that each central idea is fully developed before moving on to the next one. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea and a logical progression of thoughts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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