ome people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion
There has been a debate on
influences
of Correct article usage
the influences
child
development
, some people are of the idea that it mostly
influenced by television, music and friends. Others still believe that family is the most influential. Add a missing verb
is mostly
This
essay will look at both these opinions and give a final verdict at the end
.
Family is considered to have the greatest impact in
a Change preposition
on
child
's development
. Firstly
because there are the first guardians from birth upto
pre-school age all the social and developmental behaviours are taught and learnt in Correct your spelling
up to
this
period. Additionally
parents, Add a comma
Additionally,
guardians
of siblings spend the majority of time with a toddler as Correct word choice
and guardians
their
grow older. Change the pronoun
they
According to
data from a
scientific research at Yale Remove the article
apply
university
, a Capitalize word
University
child
's core behaviours and attitudes are learnt between the age of 0-4 years. Furthermore
activities like eating, reading or going to the toilet are taught at home at a very young age, and these are major in Add a comma
Furthermore,
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
of
Change preposition
to
development
.
On the other hand
television, music and friends influence a child
at a later stage in life. Teenagers are influenced by their peers and entertainment,
because Remove the comma
apply
there
are now in complete control of what they Correct pronoun usage
they
consumer
Replace the word
consume
whereas
as children the decision is made by family. Overally
young children are influenced for a short period of time, Correct your spelling
Overall
for
instance
they can Add a comma
instance,
peer-pressured
into smoking weed at Add a missing verb
be peer-pressured
an
musical event but Change the article
a
then
totally leave the behaviour behind if they reach home.
To conclude
a child
's development
is impacted by more than one thing including family, media and peers. However
in my opinion family is the major influencer of positive Add a comma
However,
development
in a child
.Submitted by mj on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to consistently maintain a logical structure throughout the essay by using clear topic sentences in each paragraph and presenting your ideas in an orderly manner.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines your main arguments and summarizes your viewpoint on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with detailed examples or evidence whenever possible to strengthen your arguments and increase the persuasive power of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion in a balanced and thorough manner.
Task Achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive coverage of ideas, and avoid overgeneralization or omission of important details.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points and clearly demonstrate how they connect to your arguments concerning the child's development.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?