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ome people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

#ome #people #factors #child’s #development #television #friends #music
There has been a debate on
influences
Correct article usage
the influences
show examples
 of
child
development
, some people are of the idea that it
mostly
Add a missing verb
is mostly
show examples
 influenced by television, music and friends. Others still believe that family is the most influential.
This
 essay will look at both these opinions and give a final verdict
at the end
. Family is considered to have the greatest impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a
child
's
development
.
Firstly
 because there are the first guardians from birth
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 pre-school age all the social and developmental behaviours are taught and learnt in
this
 period.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 parents,
guardians
Correct word choice
and guardians
show examples
 of siblings spend the majority of time with a toddler as
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 grow older.
According to
 data from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
scientific research at Yale
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
, a
child
's core behaviours and attitudes are learnt between the age of 0-4 years.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
 activities like eating, reading or going to the toilet are taught at home at a very young age, and these are major in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
development
.
On the other hand
 television, music and friends influence a
child
 at a later stage in life. Teenagers are influenced by their peers and entertainment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are now in complete control of what they
consumer
Replace the word
consume
show examples
whereas
 as children the decision is made by family.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
 young children are influenced for a short period of time,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 they can
peer-pressured
Add a missing verb
be peer-pressured
show examples
 into smoking weed at
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 musical event but
then
 totally leave the behaviour behind if they reach home.
To conclude
 a
child
's
development
 is impacted by more than one thing including family, media and peers.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 in my opinion family is the major influencer of positive
development
 in a
child
.
Submitted by mj on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure to consistently maintain a logical structure throughout the essay by using clear topic sentences in each paragraph and presenting your ideas in an orderly manner.
Coherence & Cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively outlines your main arguments and summarizes your viewpoint on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with detailed examples or evidence whenever possible to strengthen your arguments and increase the persuasive power of your essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully responds to all parts of the prompt, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion in a balanced and thorough manner.
Task Achievement
Strive for clear and comprehensive coverage of ideas, and avoid overgeneralization or omission of important details.
Task Achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to support your points and clearly demonstrate how they connect to your arguments concerning the child's development.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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