In some countries, men and women are having babies late in life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A number of married
woman
Change to a plural noun
women
show examples
in several countries decide to delay their pregnancy because many think that to have a baby, parents must be mentally and financially ready. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
approach will help us create a better
generation
Use synonyms
in the next twenty or thirty years.
This
Linking Words
essay will shed some light on the issue and the writer's point of view. No one is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
strange
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
the fact that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, tuition
cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
an arm and a leg, especially in international school which has become everyone's dream
campuss
Correct your spelling
campus
campuses
for their children. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, parents must pay around 100 billion every month so that their
kid
Fix the agreement mistake
kids
show examples
can study in a profound elementary school in Jakarta.
Besides
Linking Words
the financial things, mental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
always been a consideration for individuals to have a baby late in life.
This
Linking Words
is illustrated well by the fact that many
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
been through a hard life
as a consequence
Linking Words
of divorced parents.
Thus
Linking Words
, they do not want their offspring to have the same trauma as what they had experienced.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having a baby when one is fully ready
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a lot of advantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a child who
raised
Add a missing verb
is raised
show examples
by someone who really knows how to nurture
a kids
Correct the article-noun agreement
kids
a kid
show examples
will very likely grow to be a great person. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
this
Linking Words
, since
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generation
Use synonyms
tends to look up to their mom or dad, when a mother or a father always
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
them love,
then
Linking Words
their children will definitely become a lovable
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
in the future.
Secondly
Linking Words
, someone who lives in
Correct article usage
a wealth
show examples
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
family
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a higher chance to access a better education
as well as
Linking Words
high-nutrition
Add an article
a high-nutrition
show examples
meal which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
them to be a smarter and healthier
generation
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the living cost in nowadays era and the mental issue might be the case why some people do not want kids shortly after their marriage. But,
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
can lead to a brighter and healthier
generation
Use synonyms
in the future.
Submitted by munthulbawuk on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure. Organize your ideas into distinct and well-structured paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument or narrative. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic or tone, and remember to use pronouns and determiners to avoid repetition and maintain flow.
task achievement
For task achievement, fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that your response includes a clear opinion on the topic and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more thoroughly with detailed explanations and concrete examples. Avoid providing examples without explanation or context, as this weakens the argument and may confuse the reader.
task achievement
Remember to directly address the question 'Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?' in your essay. This is a crucial part of the task that appears to be only partially covered in your conclusion. It would strengthen your task response to include a more explicit comparison in either the body or the conclusion of your essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: