In some countries, men and women are having babies late in life. What are the reasons? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
A number of married
woman
in several countries decide to delay their pregnancy because many think that to have a baby, parents must be mentally and financially ready. In my opinion, Change to a plural noun
women
this
approach will help us create a better generation
in the next twenty or thirty years. This
essay will shed some light on the issue and the writer's point of view.
No one is a
strange Change the article
apply
to
the fact that Change preposition
by
in
these days, tuition Change preposition
apply
cost
an arm and a leg, especially in international school which has become everyone's dream Wrong verb form
costs
campuss
for their children. To illustrate Correct your spelling
campus
campuses
this
, parents must pay around 100 billion every month so that their kid
can study in a profound elementary school in Jakarta. Fix the agreement mistake
kids
Besides
the financial things, mental issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
has
always been a consideration for individuals to have a baby late in life. Correct subject-verb agreement
have
This
is illustrated well by the fact that many has
been through a hard life Change the verb form
have
as a consequence
of divorced parents. Thus
, they do not want their offspring to have the same trauma as what they had experienced.
Therefore
, having a baby when one is fully ready have
a lot of advantages. Correct subject-verb agreement
has
Firstly
, a child who raised
by someone who really knows how to nurture Add a missing verb
is raised
a kids
will very likely grow to be a great person. To Correct the article-noun agreement
kids
a kid
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
this
, since younger
Correct article usage
the younger
generation
tends to look up to their mom or dad, when a mother or a father always show
them love, Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
then
their children will definitely become a lovable person
in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Secondly
, someone who lives in Correct article usage
a wealth
wealth
family Replace the word
wealthy
have
a higher chance to access a better education Change the verb form
has
as well as
high-nutrition
meal which Add an article
a high-nutrition
lead
them to be a smarter and healthier Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
generation
.
In conclusion, the living cost in nowadays era and the mental issue might be the case why some people do not want kids shortly after their marriage. But, on the other hand
, this
phenomena
can lead to a brighter and healthier Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
generation
in the future.Submitted by munthulbawuk on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay follows a clear logical structure. Organize your ideas into distinct and well-structured paragraphs, each with a clear main idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Connect your ideas with appropriate linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the argument or narrative. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic or tone, and remember to use pronouns and determiners to avoid repetition and maintain flow.
task achievement
For task achievement, fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that your response includes a clear opinion on the topic and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas more thoroughly with detailed explanations and concrete examples. Avoid providing examples without explanation or context, as this weakens the argument and may confuse the reader.
task achievement
Remember to directly address the question 'Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?' in your essay. This is a crucial part of the task that appears to be only partially covered in your conclusion. It would strengthen your task response to include a more explicit comparison in either the body or the conclusion of your essay.