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Band 4.5

Many students around the world are not choosing science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What effects will this have on society

#students #world #science #subjects #university #effects #society
These days, there is an accelerating trend among
students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 opt for different subjects
instead
 of
science
 in higher education. There are several reasons contributing to
this
 problem,
as well as
potentially
Change the word
potential
show examples
 long-term effects.
Students
Change noun form
Students'
Student's
show examples
 interests and investments in education are important and major causes of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
science
 graduates in today’s world. Many pupils have found no excitement in some subjects
such
 as mathematics or STEM.
For example
, Physics or
chemical
Replace the word
chemistry
show examples
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 diploma research which is only appealing to those who have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 passion
on
Change preposition
apply
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so
students
 who do not have firm determination may suffer from it. What’s more, low education quality
also
 undermines the choices of these
students
.
For instance
, undeveloped countries can not
provided
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 range of modern machines in laboratories so that not enough quantity for research data. These choices will have drastic long-term effects. If there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not enough scientists, the countries can not enrich themselves with inventions. By means of not enough experts, some regions will rely on prosperous countries in applying technology to daily life, they can not control the prices of those, which is not cost-effective.
Consequently
, the dilemma
appear
Change the verb form
appears
show examples
 that there will be
high
Change the article
a high
the high
show examples
 number of lowered paid employees, leading to
reduction
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a reduction
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 in contributing
in
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to
show examples
 governmental finance.To illustrate, many conglomerates
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
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 Samsung or Apple,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
required
Wrong verb form
require
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staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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 with spectacular skills in technology, so, the graduates that
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 not taking
science
 majors will not be approved. Lack of capability in
science
 fields and inadvertent investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 practical tools
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 have certainly contributed to the
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of experts. If not properly taken care of, these problems could cause harmful consequences in society.
Submitted by nguyetcat.dao on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your introduction sets the stage for the essay, providing a clear thesis statement and overview of the points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating a logical flow throughout your essay by using clear, precise topic sentences that relate directly to your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph should be well-developed, expressing a main idea, then extending and supporting it with details or examples.
task achievement
Aim to fully address both parts of the prompt (reasons and effects) in a balanced way, dedicating an equal amount of discussion to each.
task achievement
Incorporate specific examples to illustrate the points you make, ideally from a range of situations or studies to enhance your argument.
task achievement
Consider improving the structure of your essay by carefully organizing it into introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, to aid readability and to ensure that you address the task systematically.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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