IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend no more than 20 minutes on this task. This line graph shows the percentage of women who were employed in four countries from 1985 to 2005. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information. You should write at least 150 words.
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The chart shows the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
 employed in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Korea, Afghanistan,
France
Correct word choice
and France
show examples
 during the period of twenty years, from 1985 to 2005. The United
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of employed
women
Use synonyms
 rose steadily from 1985 to 2000. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 fell
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to 60% for the year 2005. In
Korea
Add a comma
Korea,
show examples
 there was a slow increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of employment for
women
Use synonyms
. For ten years the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of employed
women
Use synonyms
 in Afghanistan
increases
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
. After 1995,
however
Linking Words
, there was a dramatic fall until the year 2000.
This
Linking Words
 goes to
lowest
Add an article
the lowest
show examples
 point in 2005. France’s
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employed
women
Use synonyms
 declined to 32% in 1990,
then
Linking Words
begins
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 the rise continuously until 2005.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph, the
number
Use synonyms
 of employed
women
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 every country showed an upward trend, except for Afghanistan. Among the four countries,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and France represented the
higher
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
number
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 employment,
while
Linking Words
 Korea reached the highest point in the year 2005.
Submitted by dasha.20032854 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, women, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentage of women employed
  • employment trends
  • notable changes
  • significant increases and decreases
  • periods of stability
  • specific years and percentages
  • overall trend
  • compare and contrast
  • similarities and differences
  • throughout the period
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