IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992
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Technologies never stop
to progress
Change the verb form
progressing
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. Becoming more popular and obtainable.
That is
Linking Words
 why scientists did
a
Remove the article
apply
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research about four modern technologies and their domestic
access
Use synonyms
 in the UK.   By using
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
, it is noticeable that there is a high increase in the graph. Most of the products had
a
Remove the article
apply
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steady growth and
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 every trend was upward.   CD players started as
a
Change the article
the
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 highest product at a rate
60
Change preposition
of 60
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 in the graph and maintained that position being above 80 present
in contrast
Linking Words
 to internet
access
Use synonyms
 it was much higher. Internet
access
Use synonyms
 was at ten
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in the beginning and reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
above 40, there is a viewable difference between both of them,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 internet
access
Use synonyms
 increased much significantly rising up by 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 didn't become
widespread
Rephrase
as widespread
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 as CD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 but increased in percentage
also
Linking Words
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
1996/97
home
Correct article usage
the home
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 higher
Linking Words
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 but it changed in
period
Add an article
the period
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 between 1998/99 and 2000/01 when they both crossed over at about 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 more common in homes in the UK than home
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words access with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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