The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

#bar #percentage #australian #men #women #age #groups #activity

The chart demonstrates the figures, categorized into five age groups, related to the percentage of Australians exercising regularly for both genders in 2010.

Overall

, women had done more frequent

activities

than men, except for the girls aged 15-24. Middle-aged Australian females seem to have done more exercise in their thirties to fifties, by and large, roughly around 50% in total. The youngsters (between 25 to 34) did fewer

activities

in comparison to the elders between 35-64.

This

means that physical

activities

had grown in popularity as Australians got older, increasing from 47.7% to 53% until 64.

On the other hand

, the number of physical activity was reduced by roughly 6% to 46.7 among older people over 65 years old. In the case of males, the tendency towards doing

such

activities

had considerably reduced over time from adolescence to 44 (the figures dropped from 52.8% to 39.5). The trend,

however

, reversed and as people got older they tended to be more active and increased by virtually 7%.

To conclude

, the inclination towards physical

activities

between men and women is negatively correlated with each other, but on the whole, young people seem to have worked out more than any stages of life in both genders.

Submitted by Haniehfathi98 on Thu Jan 18 2024

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words activities with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "reduced" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

203 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical activity
Regular exercise
Age demographics
Participation rate
Trend analysis
Gender disparity
Health initiatives
Public health policies
Statistical comparison
Lifestyle choices
Work commitments
Age-related factors
Preventative health
Exercise habits
Surveillance data
Motivators and barriers

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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT FAST PACE AND STRESS OF MODERN LIFE IS HAVING A NEGATIVE EFFECT ON FAMILIES. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE.

Some universities now offer their courses on the Internet so that people can study online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?