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Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
A large number of employees are suffering from several health diseases,
according
Change preposition
due
show examples
 to their lack of physical
activities
 during business days and in their
pastime
Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
show examples
.
This
 essay will look at the causes, before turning to practical solutions. I personally believe that they should
been
Change the verb form
be
show examples
 encouraged to do more exercise and observe the impact on their wellbeing. Many workers argue that they do not have enough
time
 for any physical
activities
.
According to
 their hectic working schedule on
week days
Correct your spelling
weekdays
show examples
, and
also
 the importance of spending
time
 with their families
on
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in
show examples
 their leisure
time
. Needless to say, if someone doesn’t exercise, different health
problems
 are considerable.
In addition
, the membership fees for attending fitness studios are extremely high.
For instance
, individuals with 2000$ income, would not be able to afford 500$ per month.
Additionally
, the high costs of living are resulted in more working hours and less
time
 for
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
. The most important step to tackling
this
 problem and encouraging them to be more motivated
,
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apply
show examples
 could be a group membership of a gym for all the staff by their employers. In other
worlds
Correct your spelling
words
show examples
,
this
 makes physical
activities
' costs more affordable to them.
Moreover
, the regulators should manage to increase
minimum
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the minimum
show examples
 wedge and help folks to achieve more money by fewer working hours.
although
,
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apply
show examples
 most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people are awarded of the consequences of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less motivation on their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
show examples
, they don’t make any changes in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
due to
 debated
problems
. In conclusion, I believe many people will
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from different health
problems
due to
 their lack of exercise, and it is
authorities’
Correct article usage
the authorities’
show examples
 responsibility to improve the working conditions and encourage them to do more
activities
 to prevent future
problems
 by
pave
Change the form of the verb
paving
show examples
 the way for them.
Submitted by ali on

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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, focus on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that all subsequent sentences directly support the main point. Use a variety of cohesive devices to guide readers through your argument effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. Present your ideas clearly and develop them thoroughly. Your essay needs to address the questions posed directly and completely for a higher score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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