IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
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A large number of employees are suffering from several health diseases,
Linking Words
according
Change preposition
due
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 to their lack of physical
activities
Use synonyms
 during business days and in their
pastime
Fix the agreement mistake
pastimes
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.
This
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 essay will look at the causes, before turning to practical solutions. I personally believe that they should
been
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be
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 encouraged to do more exercise and observe the impact on their wellbeing. Many workers argue that they do not have enough
time
Use synonyms
 for any physical
activities
Use synonyms
.
According to
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 their hectic working schedule on
week days
Correct your spelling
weekdays
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, and
also
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 the importance of spending
time
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 with their families
on
Change preposition
in
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 their leisure
time
Use synonyms
. Needless to say, if someone doesn’t exercise, different health
problems
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 are considerable.
In addition
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, the membership fees for attending fitness studios are extremely high.
For instance
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, individuals with 2000$ income, would not be able to afford 500$ per month.
Additionally
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, the high costs of living are resulted in more working hours and less
time
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 for
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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. The most important step to tackling
this
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 problem and encouraging them to be more motivated
,
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apply
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 could be a group membership of a gym for all the staff by their employers. In other
worlds
Correct your spelling
words
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,
this
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 makes physical
activities
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' costs more affordable to them.
Moreover
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, the regulators should manage to increase
minimum
Correct article usage
the minimum
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 wedge and help folks to achieve more money by fewer working hours.
although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people are awarded of the consequences of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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less motivation on their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
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 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term
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, they don’t make any changes in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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due to
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 debated
problems
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. In conclusion, I believe many people will
be suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from different health
problems
Use synonyms
due to
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 their lack of exercise, and it is
authorities’
Correct article usage
the authorities’
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 responsibility to improve the working conditions and encourage them to do more
activities
Use synonyms
 to prevent future
problems
Use synonyms
 by
pave
Change the form of the verb
paving
show examples
 the way for them.
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coherence cohesion
To improve your score, focus on developing clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that all subsequent sentences directly support the main point. Use a variety of cohesive devices to guide readers through your argument effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. Present your ideas clearly and develop them thoroughly. Your essay needs to address the questions posed directly and completely for a higher score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
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