IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The data below shows information about energy production in a country in two separate years 1995: coal (29,8%), gas (29,63%), petro (29,27%), nuclear (6,4%), other (4,9%) 2005: coal (30,93%, gas (30,31%), petro (19,55%), nuclear (10,10%), other (0,10%)

#data #information #energy #production #country #two #years #gas #petro
The data provided delineates the information regarding
energy
 production in a country in 1995 and 2005. The pie charts compare
energy
 being produced in the nation, which were coal, gas,
petro
Correct your spelling
petrol
, nuclear, and followed by several others.
Overall
, the majority of
energy
 produced is the same in both years with some distinctions in each
energy
's percentages. In the initial year, coal was dominating with 29,80% proportion.
This
 is
then
 followed by gas with only a slight difference, just 0.17% less than coal and accounted for 29,63%
overall
. Not very far after, Petro occupied the third
position
 with 29,27%. Afterwards, there was a major drop in percentage in the fourth
position
 with only 6.4%, which is Nuclear. Other energies were
also
 produced with only 4,9% out of all the productions. Ten years later, the number of percentages changed but the orders of the most produced energies remained the same. Coal was still the biggest
energy
 produced and rose slightly to 30,93%. The second
position
, gas,
also
 experienced a small increase with 30,31%
overall
.
On the contrary
, even though Petro still sits in the third
position
, it has dramatically decreased to 19,55%.
Consequently
, Nuclear had a significant rise to 10,10%
along with
 other energies that climbed up to 9,10%.
Submitted by elissa223 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that an introduction, an overview and a conclusion are present. While the essay contains an introduction and an overview of the data, the conclusion is missing or not clearly distinguishable.
logical structure
To enhance the coherence of the essay, make logical connections between your statements by using a variety of cohesive devices effectively.
supported main points
Develop your main points by providing more specific details and examples. Ensure the figures you quote are accurate and support the comparison between the years.
complete response
Aim for a full response to the task by incorporating all provided data into your description in a well-organized manner.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to present your ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that your explanation of the data is easy to follow.
relevant specific examples
Include relevant and specific examples by referring directly to the data. Support your overview with figures for each category to better illustrate the changes over time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: