Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don't. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

There is an increasing number of talented
people
and how they give amazing
contribution
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contributions
show examples
. It is often argued that any sports figure
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good fame for the youngster to develop their future career, whilst the others don’t think so. In my opinion,
this
is a positive trend which can propose influence to the young age and potentially mitigate negativity among them.
Human
Add an article
A human
The human
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being
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beings
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, tend to copy
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
’s
behavior
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behaviour
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and personality especially when
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
model
have
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has
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an aspiring figure.
Moreover
, the youth will receive a positive influence which can be useful for themselves. It is
therefore
agreed that pro athletes who ever made an appearance
on
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in
show examples
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
spotlight during their prior activity will be resulted as inspiring work. Their highlighted dedication and passion will be a solid reason to motivate younger
people
.
However
, many disagree and feel that athletes as role
model
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models
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was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
unnecessary.
Human
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Humans
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need to seek
for
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apply
show examples
another motivation and examine their hidden
value able
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valuable
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skills to improve
a
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their
show examples
life
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lives
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. Despite
opinion
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opinions
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gaining
Wrong verb form
gained
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from other
people
, the youth must understand
about
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apply
show examples
their valuable skills and make their own motivation.
For instance
,
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at the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
young age shouldn’t copy someone and start owning unrealistic expectations but start facing the real
condition
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conditions
show examples
.
The young
Correct article usage
Young
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people
shouldn’t feel burdened by
pressure
Correct article usage
a pressure
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lifestyle,
instead
living a life
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their own set pace. In conclusion,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the benefits of having an athlete as
role
Add an article
a role
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model will allow
people
to explore themselves,
gain
Correct word choice
and gain
show examples
particular information and motivation.
However
, as long as you are not losing
self identity
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self-identity
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and consider which positive benefits can be applied to a life.
Submitted by sofinnovita on

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that paragraphs are well-developed with clear topic sentences followed by supporting details and examples. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point and transition smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include a balanced conclusion that restates your main points and clearly expresses your own opinion, while providing a summary of the discussion.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. The essay should discuss both views and give your own opinion with a clear stance throughout.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas by expanding on your arguments and providing more detailed explanations and specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
Enhance the essay by including more relevant and specific examples to effectively illustrate your arguments and to demonstrate a broad range of language ability.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Role model
  • Professional athlete
  • Positive influence
  • Work ethic
  • Charitable activities
  • Endorsement
  • Overcoming adversity
  • Misconduct
  • Overemphasis
  • Physical success
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • High-pressure
  • Media spotlight
  • Perceptions
  • Behavior
  • Inspiring
  • Diverse role models
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