Every year several languages die out. Some people think that this is not important because life will be easier if there are fewer languages in the work. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Compared to the past,
language
is constantly losing its diversity. Except for common
languages
such
as English, Chinese, or Spanish, unique
languages
are disappearing. It can be thought that standardization of
language
provides simpler working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
However
, I strongly disagree that
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
of
languages
is beneficial.
First,
it will result in cultural disappearance, and
people
using common
languages
will be dominant over
people
who do not use common
languages
.
To begin
with,
removal
Correct article usage
the removal
show examples
of
language
can lead culture to vanish.
For instance
, in the case of South Korea, even though it has its own
language
called Hangeul, many signs are written in English.
This
phenomonon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
is getting serious over time. Hangeul has its cultural significance since letters were made by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
King Sejong in
Joseon
Correct article usage
the Joseon
show examples
Dynasty and
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
only being used in Korea.
Hence
,
gradual
Correct article usage
the gradual
show examples
loss of Hangeul
also
means that
important
Correct article usage
an important
show examples
part of the culture of Korea is being lost.
Therefore
, I insist that
disappearance
Correct article usage
the disappearance
show examples
of
language
is disadvantageous.
Furthermore
,
people
using major
languages
,
such
as English, Chinese, or Spanish will be advantageous in the
work
over
people
who do not use it.
According to
the
statistic
Fix the agreement mistake
statistics
show examples
, 40% of the population still
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
their unique
languages
rather than common
languages
. These
people
will experience difficulties if only common
langauges
Correct your spelling
languages
language
are used in the
work
,
accordingly
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
opportunities will be distributed for them.
Thus
, deleting
languages
in the
work
will bring inequality. That being said, I disagree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
the statement.
To sum up
, it is true that standardization sometimes prompts simpler
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
.
However
, in the case of
language
loss, its negative aspects are greater than
positive
Correct pronoun usage
its positive
show examples
aspects - it
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
cultural disappearance and inequality among
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
.
Submitted by yelim050319 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
The essay introduction could be improved by clearly stating your opinion, offering a brief overview of the reasons supporting your stance. This helps to guide the reader through your argument.
logical structure
Enhance the logical structure by better organizing paragraphs and using topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph. This will reinforce the flow of your argument.
cohesion
Increase the use of cohesive devices (linking words or phrases) to connect ideas more effectively and create a more fluent essay.
examples
To boost task achievement, ensure that each body paragraph includes clear and comprehensive ideas that are expanded with specific examples or evidence. In your essay, the examples should be developed further to support the points made.
conclusion
In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the main points of your argument and restate your opinion to reinforce your stance to the reader.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: