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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second cahrt shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second cahrt shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #cahrt #greenhouse #gas #emissions #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The two pie charts illustrate the average data collected from Australian households. The first pie chart displays the proportion of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage by different appliances,
while
Linking Words
 the second chart shows the
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 which come from
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption.
Overall
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 heating and water heating contribute the majority percentage of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage in households, most
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
 result from water heating and other appliances. It is obvious that heating is good at reducing the total
emissions
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 of
greenhouse
Use synonyms
 gases, because it exploits 42% of the total
energy
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,
while
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 it only generates nearly one-third of the complete
emissions
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, which are 15%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, no matter the data in the graph of
energy
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 usage or
greenhouse
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gas
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 discharges, water heating accounts for quite the same percentage in both charts, which is around 30%. (In the emission part the exact data is 32%) Looking at the information for more details, there is 28% of the whole
emissions
Use synonyms
 consist of the classification which is titled other appliances, meanwhile,
this
Linking Words
 is the second majority factor of household
greenhouse
Use synonyms
gas
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the proportion of refrigeration and lighting, which are in the diagram of the utilization of power, both double their own percentage in
energy
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 use, with 7% and 14% and 4% and 8% respectively. For the remaining appliance - the cooling, it does not have a big difference, which uses 2% of
energy
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 and produces 3% of total
greenhouse
Use synonyms
emissions
Use synonyms
Submitted by jasmine2001tw on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse, gas, emissions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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