Completing university is the best way to get a job. while others believe that experience and developing soft skills is more important. discuss both views and give your opinion

Job searching
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
some qualifications to meet, especially a level of
education
and
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
.
However
, Employment after passing higher
education
or after practical knowledge of
handful
Correct article usage
a handful
show examples
skills
Change preposition
of skills
show examples
such
as teamwork, communication, interpersonal and cooperation is a topic of concern. I believe that
skills
are more important because they are taught at
anyplace
Correct your spelling
any place
show examples
. In the upcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
I will elaborate
these
Change preposition
on these
show examples
further
. To commence with,
college
Correct article usage
a college
show examples
education
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
youngsters
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
subjects which are necessary to search a employment and work.
For example
,
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
topics like mathematics and marketing enhanced their tutoring to get
Correct article usage
a master
show examples
master
Change noun form
master's
show examples
in these subjects. Before entering into office they gain their knowledge which results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
less struggle during office hours.
Moreover
, till
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher studies young
people
can be mature enough to handle
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
business disturbance and the work holic life. They can handle
without
Correct pronoun usage
it without
show examples
the assistance of parents.
Hence
, they will be less dependent on others for their tasks owing to the coaching they have.
On the contrary
, some
people
are born with good teamwork, interpersonal, and communication
skills
. They do not need to get any studies to start a business.
For example
,
owner
Correct article usage
the owner
show examples
of the TATA
groups
Fix the agreement mistake
group
show examples
of companies started his career after passing secondary
education
.
Therefore
,
people
believe that they need
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
show examples
to achieve success
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
credentials.
Additionally
, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time passes learning behaviour is enhanced
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
a higher extent. Kids of these days develop
skills
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
their own
due to
the learning ability they have. To illustrate, from a study it is seen that they are doing much better
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
as compared to the citizens who have degrees.
To conclude
, finding a job is essential for everyone. But should it be after attaining
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree or after practical knowledge
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Hence
, after an
analysis
Add a comma
analysis,
show examples
it is clear that
people
can
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
more success if they know how to survive in
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
world with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
command
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
soft
skills
because with practice they can learn about topics but not about
skills
.
Submitted by kb781920 on

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coherence cohesion
You should work on structuring your paragraphs more clearly to enhance logical flow. Each paragraph should contain one main idea, clearly stated at the beginning, then expanded with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved by stating your main argument more explicitly and providing a clearer summary of your position in the conclusion.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, but some of your ideas are repetitive or unclear. Try to ensure that each paragraph progresses your argument and that your ideas are distinct and well-expressed.
task achievement
Use a wider range of sentence structures and vocabulary to fully express your ideas. This will make your arguments more compelling and easier to understand.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will help you demonstrate your understanding of the topic and make your arguments more persuasive.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • industry-specific skills
  • career services
  • networking opportunities
  • intellectual capability
  • practical experience
  • real-world scenarios
  • soft skills
  • on-the-job experiences
  • portfolio
  • demonstrated skillset
  • formal education credentials
  • company culture
  • academia
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