In many countries schoools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the cuases of this? What solutions can you suggest?

These days lots of countries schools suffer from
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
seriously rude
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. In
this
essay, I will talk about
causes
Correct article usage
the causes
show examples
and
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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for
deal
Wrong verb form
dealing
show examples
with
this
problem. In regard to
causes
, nowadays many
parents
do not have enough time to take care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
. Under
this
situation,
children
who have busy
parents
can get a lack of affection.
This
means that it can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
bad behaviour in their school. Many
parents
who work for
5days
Correct your spelling
5 days
in
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apply
show examples
a week do not have time to teach their
children
, probably they will neglect their kids.
For
this
reason, student
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not have enough love from their
parents
and it
related
Add a missing verb
is related
show examples
to
express
Wrong verb form
expressing
show examples
their
emotion
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emotions
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. It could
be taken
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
a toll
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
teachers or colleagues. To solve
this
problem, government should be taking action for schools and
also
students who suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of affection.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
has to make some
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
which is
Verb problem
that
show examples
educate
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
parents
. If
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
participant
Replace the word
participate
show examples
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
program
before they become a parent, they can learn about how can teach their kids and how can give love
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
their
children
. Under
this
program
, they can get a
minimize
Replace the word
minimal
show examples
knowledge about parenting. It could
be help
Change the verb form
help
show examples
to reduce student’s bad behaviour in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.
For example
, in Korea, some
parents
educated
Add a missing verb
are educated
show examples
about sexual issues in the wrong way. Students who were educated by
this
parent did not know how can express their love. In
this
situation, they sometimes bother girls or commit crimes. In conclusion, all around the world schools have a problem to handle with student behaviour. The main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
of
this
situation are lack of affection and if
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
takes action for
this
,
such
as making an education
program
for
parents
, it can
resolve
Wrong verb form
be resolved
show examples
.
Submitted by jiyoonahn99 on

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coherence cohesion
Develop your ideas further with more specific examples and explanations to strengthen your main points and ensure that each paragraph elaborates on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by using connectors and transitional phrases to link your ideas more clearly, which will improve the cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on introducing your essay with a clearer outline of the points that you will discuss, and closing it with a stronger conclusion that summarizes your ideas and restates your solution effectively.
task achievement
Strive to address all parts of the task more evenly, ensuring that you fully develop both causes and solutions to the problem with a balanced approach throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Remember, examples make your arguments more persuasive and concrete, and this is expected at IELTS Band 6 and above.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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