IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university. What are the reasons for this? What impact does this issue have on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant from your own knowledge and experience.

#students #world #study #science #subjects #university #impact #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology is rapidly changing the lives of
people
Use synonyms
 around the world, creating a high demand for university
graduates
Use synonyms
 with a background in
science
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the number of students studying relevant subjects is well below the required level.
This
Linking Words
 problem seems to be caused by outdated preconceptions, which determine young
people
Use synonyms
's choices today. One of the outdated preconceptions is that certain subjects are better suited for men. Examples of these include mathematics, computer sciences, technologies, and other fields of knowledge, which are totally dominated by males. In recent decades
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
noticeable progress has been achieved by many countries in acknowledging that men and women are equally capable in
science
Use synonyms
. Despite
this
Linking Words
 big step towards equality, female employees may still feel unwelcomed, or in some instances, face even discrimination in male-dominated work environments.
As a result
Linking Words
, many women with
natural
Add an article
a natural
the natural
show examples
 inclination to
science
Use synonyms
 settle on studying humanities or social
science
Use synonyms
, depriving society of their main talent. Another reason for the lack of
science
Use synonyms
 students spreads even wider. In the past, scientists were paid significantly less than professionals in prestigious areas
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
show examples
 business and law.
Therefore
Linking Words
, ambitious young
people
Use synonyms
 tend to choose highly paid occupations, disregarding their aptitude for
science
Use synonyms
. Things have changed; today jobs in
science
Use synonyms
 are among those with the highest remuneration, but
this
Linking Words
 trend is yet to be reflected in the university application numbers.
For example
Linking Words
, in the UK, over half the international students still choose to study for a degree in business.
Consequently
Linking Words
, economies around the world are affected by an oversupply of social
science
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 and a deficit of
graduates
Use synonyms
 with technical skills. Not surprisingly, complaints of fresh
graduates
Use synonyms
 who cannot find a job are frequent.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it seems some young
people
Use synonyms
 still perceive studying
science
Use synonyms
 as a route towards a mediocre income from a job where most of one's colleagues are men.
Thus
Linking Words
, too many opt for a degree in social sciences, creating an imbalanced society where highly-educated university
graduates
Use synonyms
 struggle to find a skilled job.
Submitted by lucia-piriz on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and it is expanded with sufficient detail.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to structure your essay more effectively.
Task Achievement
Fully address both parts of the question, including the impact of the issue on society, with a more balanced approach.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments for a more complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: