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Band 7.5

Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#gender #equality #society #women #rights #opportunities #men
In some countries, it is true that the amount of rights and opportunities for both females and males has not reached the equivalent that many people would hope for.
However
, I believe the boundaries have been broken quite gradually for the past few years. On a number of occasions, the public has often put a lot of effort into trying to boost
women
's chances to be as impactful as men are in several industries. As an example, it is already common for tech-savvy people to voice out the trend "#WomenIntech", a movement to enlarge the size of job hiring for
women
 in male-dominated industries. From
this
 act only, we can see that a portion of our society has acknowledged how imbalanced the range of possibilities for
women
 to get in the workplace, as opposed to men, and has tried to do something about it. Unfortunately, some people in developing countries, especially the conventional ones living with the same old tradition, still have not realized the importance of trusting
women
 in roles related tightly to the other gender for ages.
In addition
 to that, I believe that the obstacle is actually rooted in the public itself. Most of them still believe that females do not have the same capabilities as males, especially when it comes to being leaders.
Hence
,
women
 leaders are still extremely hard to find in many organizations, regionally or even globally.
To conclude
, I agree that our society has not done a significant job in trying to build gender equality in different parts of our lives. But, as the efforts and movements to break these chains have risen over the years, I'm convinced that it is only a matter of time until we reach the point where the proportion of rights and opportunities held by
women
 is at the same level as men's.
Submitted by mayfa.shadrina on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with a discernible introduction and conclusion, which is good. To enhance coherence, be sure to create a clear progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next. You can use transition words and phrases more effectively to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
You've addressed the topic, and provided an opinion, but be sure to expand more on why you believe society has made certain advances, as well as discussing more thoroughly the remaining challenges for achieving gender equality. Include more specific examples and data to back up your points for a more well-rounded argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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