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Band 5.5

The tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

#tradition #families #meals #impacts
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The traditional family's eating
time
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 is becoming no longer popular nowadays. There are many
reasons
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 behind
this
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 phenomenon and it
also
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 leads to many negative impacts. Obviously, there are
reasons
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 why the custom of family gatherings is disappearing. One of the main
reasons
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 is the busy schedules of family members. They can either eat fast foods or processed foods to continue working or studying or eat out with colleagues for convenience with their plans.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they would not consume more food when they come back home. The second reason is that parents have an economic burden, so they have to work longer hours or find a part-
time
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 job to bring up their children and pay living expenses.
As a result
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, parents do not have enough
time
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 to prepare and have
meals
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 with their children.
Hence
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/
as a result
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, many detrimental effects from that have appeared. The first impact is related to weak family ties. Since most
meals
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 in the family are the
time
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 to share and talk among parents and their children, now it is becoming rare in order to make room for personal schedules.
Thus
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, there is the appearance of distance between family members
due to
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 the lack of sharing and communication. Another effect
for
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of
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this
Linking Words
 action/practice/situation can refer to health. When eating out or eating too much fast food
instead
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 of home-cooked
meals
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,
it
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apply
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can lead to weight gain or digestive problems, because those foods are not qualified to
consume
Wrong verb form
be consumed
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 in the long term. In conclusion, different schedules/
time
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 limitations and financial pressure are the main
reasons
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 leading to the cases that people spend less
time
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 having
meals
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 and
this
Linking Words
 causes harmful effects on family relationships and health. To tackle
this
Linking Words
, arranging personal plans appropriately and changing lifestyle/
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
behaviours to have more quality
time
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 with their family.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Your main points need more development. Try to illustrate your points with relevant examples or data that demonstrate the issue you're discussing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
For higher scores in Task Achievement, make sure you directly answer all parts of the question, and that your ideas are clear and well-explained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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