IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

#tradition #families #meals #impacts
The traditional family's eating
time
 is becoming no longer popular nowadays. There are many
reasons
 behind
this
 phenomenon and it
also
 leads to many negative impacts. Obviously, there are
reasons
 why the custom of family gatherings is disappearing. One of the main
reasons
 is the busy schedules of family members. They can either eat fast foods or processed foods to continue working or studying or eat out with colleagues for convenience with their plans.
Consequently
, they would not consume more food when they come back home. The second reason is that parents have an economic burden, so they have to work longer hours or find a part-
time
 job to bring up their children and pay living expenses.
As a result
, parents do not have enough
time
 to prepare and have
meals
 with their children.
Hence
/
as a result
, many detrimental effects from that have appeared. The first impact is related to weak family ties. Since most
meals
 in the family are the
time
 to share and talk among parents and their children, now it is becoming rare in order to make room for personal schedules.
Thus
, there is the appearance of distance between family members
due to
 the lack of sharing and communication. Another effect
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 action/practice/situation can refer to health. When eating out or eating too much fast food
instead
 of home-cooked
meals
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to weight gain or digestive problems, because those foods are not qualified to
consume
Wrong verb form
be consumed
show examples
 in the long term. In conclusion, different schedules/
time
 limitations and financial pressure are the main
reasons
 leading to the cases that people spend less
time
 having
meals
 and
this
 causes harmful effects on family relationships and health. To tackle
this
, arranging personal plans appropriately and changing lifestyle/
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
behaviours to have more quality
time
 with their family.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Be sure to develop your paragraphs with a clear main idea, followed by supporting examples and explanations. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence.
task achievement
Your main points need more development. Try to illustrate your points with relevant examples or data that demonstrate the issue you're discussing.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be stronger. Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis, and that your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points without introducing new information.
task achievement
For higher scores in Task Achievement, make sure you directly answer all parts of the question, and that your ideas are clear and well-explained throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: