IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people are move away from where their family and friends live. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #trend
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Globalization has come to never go back, our society is strongly interdisciplinary and things
such
Linking Words
 as multiculturalism and bilingual communication are
being getting
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 usual.
Thus
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, more and more people move away from where
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 live in order to obtain career opportunities, personal growth and independence. In
this
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 article, it will be assessed if the advantages of travel abroad surpass getting a life in the family's place. Becoming solitary provides a person
astonishing
Change preposition
with astonishing
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 skills in the field of communication, relationships and
knowledgeable
Replace the word
knowledge
show examples
 processes.
For instance
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,
a
Correct word choice
if a
show examples
graph designer who lives in Latin America is hired
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 an audiovisual advertising company in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, he will be exposed to a plethora of benefits
as well as
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 economic increase. In fact,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 is one of
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 when payments
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 referred.
To sum up
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, young employees get unique
laboral
Correct your spelling
labour
 offers by living
another
Change preposition
in another
show examples
 country.
On the other hand
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, family separation is the most concerning topics when a person
leave
Change the verb form
leaves
show examples
 the protection of their parents. In spite of getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional advancement and self-reliance, homesickness could affect
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interpersonal bonds and provoke a break in
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
emotional resilience. Proof of
this
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 is that seven tens of people who move away return to stay with their relatives and leisure with friends
whereas
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 only three
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 maintain their principal goal.
To conclude
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, both sides have advantages and disadvantages that give a complex
analyze
Verb problem
analysis of
show examples
 who is planning to
star
Correct your spelling
start
show examples
 a new life alone. I consider that if
majority
Add an article
the majority
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 have a strong adaptability and a deep desire
of improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 their personal development, they can separate from their childhood.
Although
Linking Words
 in my case, I would rather spend my life with my beloved persons.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use a range of linking words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Make sure that each body paragraph has a clear central idea and that this idea is supported by specific examples or evidence. Avoid general statements without support.
task achievement
For task achievement, fully address all parts of the task prompt, making sure to give a clear opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages and to discuss both sides. Include more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • professional advancement
  • self-reliance
  • cultural assimilation
  • homesickness
  • interpersonal bonds
  • multiculturalism
  • emotional resilience
  • alienation
  • expatriate community
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