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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development
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It is true that advertisements influent the consumers’ purchasing habits by means of stressing their newly innovated changes.
This
, in my opinion, seems to be utilizing the psychological aspects in persuading potential customers. In any case, I am among those who are not convinced
this
as
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is
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 a good development. First of all, looking at the mobile industry which is quite a competitive one.
For example
, apple products are known to be of superior quality mainly because of
its
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their
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 safety on customers’ personal data but not because of
its
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their
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 customizable features.
However
, considering the numerous updates and newly launched
iphones
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phones
iPhones
, it doesn’t seem to be worthwhile
for upgrading
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to upgrade
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 as merely
few
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a few
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 modifications were done. Even
then
, those were not part of the main interphases as security
system
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systems
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 or the power supply, to name a few. The identical occurrences were seen with Samsung which
also
happen
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happens
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 to be a competitor brand of
apple
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Apple
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. They include a wide range of applications which are the centre of attention in their advertisements.
Nevertheless
, pretty much most
of
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apply
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such
 applications are unlikely to be of daily usage by consumers
nor
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or
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 important as well. It is almost as if these electronic giants are constantly making efforts to deceive people with their so-called new innovations which are
also
 not at consumers’ core requirement. Considering the above mentioned, I can safely say that I am not impressed enough to view businesses of today’s way of putting their changes as means of persuading
for
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apply
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the public unless they will consider
for
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apply
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more beneficial advancements or variables towards customers.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear introduction, body, and conclusion to structure your essay effectively. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and be well-developed with supporting details.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph logically flows from one to the next with clear connecting phrases that signal the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Include a more varied range of sentence structures to create a more sophisticated writing style, and check your writing for grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing why businesses focus on advertising products as new, and provide a clear opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development. Expand on these points with more depth and detail.
task achievement
Provide clear, comprehensive ideas by explaining and developing your arguments thoroughly. This will help the reader understand your reasoning better.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific, relevant examples. This could include real-life cases, statistics, or research findings that back up your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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