The ease of international travel and the spread of various kinds of mass media all over the world have made it more possible than ever for people to know how other people live in other countries. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
rapidly evolving world, the concept of travelling has been changed.Nowadays, tourism is very easy for people, they can see the whole world
though
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
the Internet. I firmly believe that it is a great innovation in
this
modern world. Even though privacy and negative news
affects
Change the verb form
affect
show examples
the country,
besides
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
positive aspects of mass media are more
in number
Correct word choice
numerous
show examples
. On the one hand,
Submitted by Vanurajput22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction
Your essay introduction is incomplete and does not clearly present the topic or your position on the advantages and disadvantages of international travel and mass media. Ensure to provide a full introduction that states the topic and your opinion.
logical structure
The essay lacks a logical structure as it abruptly ends after the introductory paragraph. Provide a complete essay with an introduction, at least two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
supported main points
You need to provide clear main points that support your opinion. Develop your argument by giving specific examples and explaining how they relate to the topic.
complete response
Your response is incomplete and ends with 'On the one hand,' which suggests that you were about to compare contrasting points or provide an argument. Finish your thought and make sure your essay addresses the complete task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Use clear and comprehensive ideas to argue for your perspective on the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. Each paragraph should contain one main idea with supporting information.
relevant specific examples
Add relevant and specific examples to each main point you make. Examples help illustrate your arguments and make your essay more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural exchange
  • Globalization
  • Stereotypes
  • Tourism industry
  • Cross-cultural communication
  • Economic disparity
  • Cultural heritage
  • Ecological footprint
  • Ethnocentrism
  • Pandemic
  • Cultural assimilation
  • Sustainable travel
  • Geopolitical
  • Multiculturalism
  • International cooperation
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!