IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of vegetables and fruits per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008

The chart below shows the percentage of people who ate five portions of vegetables and fruits per day in the UK from 2001 to 2008
#percentage #people #five #portions #vegetables #fruits #uk
The information about the
ratio
 of masses who consumed vegetables and fruits on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
kingdom
Capitalize word
Kingdom
show examples
 is illustrated by
given
Correct article usage
a given
show examples
 bar graph in the period of seven years.
Overall
, the highest proportion is attributed to ladies,
while
 juveniles represent the lowest point throughout the whole period. From
overall
 anatomization, it is evident that the
ratio
 of kids remained constant till 2003,
whereas
 a slight incline was apparent in the percentage of
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 between 2004 and 2008,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 18% and 27%,
corrospondingly
Correct your spelling
correspondingly
.
Further
 analysis reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 a 5% decline was seen in the subsequent year.Probing ahead, the percentile of gents who had eaten veggies and fruits in their diet gradually
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 from 2001 to 2004, the former one was around 17% and the latter was 24%.Moving ahead, fluctuations were noticed from 2005 to 2008 in the percentage of males. Analyzing the data in more detail, the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of ladies
steadly
Correct your spelling
steadily
 climbed up from 23% to 29% during three years.
Hence forward
Correct your spelling
Henceforward
show examples
, a considerable
discripency
Correct your spelling
discrepancy
 was noticed in the
ratio
 of womenfolks who ate green vegetables and fruits from 2004 to 2006
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 was 27% and 35%, respectively,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 a
miniscule
Correct your spelling
minuscule
 plunge could be seen in the
ratio
 of girls and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30% in 2008.
Submitted by real.nawa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words ratio with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: