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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #summarise #features #comparisons
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The line graph depicts how many
people
Use synonyms
 lived
urban
Change preposition
in urban
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in four different Asian countries between 1970 and 2020 and
predict
Correct subject-verb agreement
predicts
show examples
 the future trend by the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is said that the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and Indonesia increased significantly during the whole given period,
while
Linking Words
 there were some fluctuations in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 and Thailand. In 1970,
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 had the highest percentage of residents
lived
Wrong verb form
living
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 in cities and the highest number of citizens in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 will choose to stay in
Correct article usage
the flourish
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flourish
Replace the word
flourishing
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in the year 2040. Looking at the diagram in more
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
show examples
, at the start of the period, the difference between
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 and
Philippines
Use synonyms
 was only 2%, with 30% and 32%, respectively. During the following 50 years from 1970, the figure for persons in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 soared to roughly 75%, relatively, there was
also
Linking Words
 an increase in
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 from 1970 to 1990,
while
Linking Words
 it decreased to about 42% by 2010,
then
Linking Words
 it converted to a steady rise until 2040. We can see that there were around 14% and 19%
Change preposition
of folks
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folks
Change preposition
of folks
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 in Indonesia and Thailand preferred to have houses in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
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,
Linking Words
Correct word choice
and
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however
Correct word choice
and
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 more and more
people
Use synonyms
 in the two nations moved to more convenient places in the given period. The percentage of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 dramatically rose to 50% and it is predicted that it will increase to 60%
as well as
Linking Words
 become the second most
people
Use synonyms
lived
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the cities.
Submitted by Joanna on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, malaysia, philippines with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • cities
  • Asian countries
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • estimations
  • urban
  • increasing
  • steadily
  • Japan
  • China
  • rise
  • urbanization
  • South Korea
  • India
  • upward trend
  • slow pace
  • surpass
  • resided
  • projected
  • moderate increase
  • significant surge
  • exceed
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