IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

many things can influences the academoc achievement and emotional growth of a students. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teacers do. To what extent do you agree and disagree with this opinion?

#influences #academoc #achievement #growth #students #peers #impact #teacers
Educational accomplishments and emotional development of a student rely on their environment in most cases. It is believed that friends
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a stronger influence on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 rather than their educators.
This
 has sparked a debate.
Therefore
,
this
 essay will discuss whether to agree or
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
disagree with the statement. On a daily basis, pupils spend most of their time with their peers at school which shows several effects on oneself.
This
 will cause them to follow their group's development pace. The reason for
this
 is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 it is common
that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
students
 tend to try to blend in more with their surroundings than to be the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of attention.
For instance
,
this
 can be found in many public schools in Indonesia.
Hence
, it is undeniable that their growth is majorly impacted by their daily social environment.
On the other hand
, teachers, who have more experience and knowledge about one's growth,
also
 affect their
students
' academic and mental state. Educators must have had a better understanding
regarding
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the method to nurture their
students
 at school.
This
 way, developing one's mental and academic condition would have been easier and right on target.
For example
, since teachers have the right to assess their
students
, they are able to give their
students
 a more thorough evaluation that will help them to grow their emotional and academic abilities.
Therefore
, it is
also
 true that teachers
also
 have a notable impact on their
students
.
Although
 both sides have their own perspectives, my point of view aligns with the first statement. As a student, I feel a major impact from my peers when it comes to assessing how much I have grown academically and emotionally. I believe the fact that relatability plays a major role is the strongest reason behind my statement. For that reason, I agree that peers have a greater impact on
this
 case.
Submitted by nadiamanda.salsabilla on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is fully developed with specific examples.
task achievement
Offer a balanced overview by discussing both viewpoints equally before giving your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Include more detailed and varied examples to support your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: