Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweight disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #group #pressure #outweight

Nowadays, peers become

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important part of

adolescents

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adolescents'

adolescent's

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life

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lives

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and tend to encourage their

decision making

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decision-making

show examples

. In

this

essay,

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will explain why the drawbacks of

peer

group

pressure

overshadow the potential benefits. On the one hand,

peer

group

pressure

can gain

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apply

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two benefits.

Firstly

, you will have a lot of

helps

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help

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from your friend

group

. In

this

world, you often face plenty

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of problem

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problem

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problems

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that might need

feedbacks

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feedback

show examples

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from

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other people. If

peer

group

pressure

does not exist, there is a big chance for you to get

frustrate

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frustrated

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about your matters. It

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also leads

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also

leads to the feeling of security about your judgement because of the validation that

given

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is given

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by your buddy. In fact,

this

safe feeling could boost your self-esteem and

confident

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confidence

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about decisions that you

made

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make

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On the other hand

, despite

this

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these

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benefits, I would argue there are more drawbacks to

this

trend. The major disadvantage is

peer

group

pressure

would

created

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create

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a fickle mentality.

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the

begining

Correct your spelling

beginning

, you feel helped by

you

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your

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peer

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peer's

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suggestions perhaps if you always take their idea it

lead

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leads

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you to slowly

lost

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lose

show examples

yourself and even

questioning

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question

show examples

your conclusion. To illustrate,

you

Correct word choice

if you

show examples

have

a academic difficulties

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academic difficulties

an academic difficulty

show examples

and ask your friends

about

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for

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suggestions, every

types

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type

show examples

your

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

friends

Fix the agreement mistake

friend

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in your friend

group

will give you different solutions.

Lastly

, you will become dependent

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your peers.

This

could

happens

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happen

show examples

you

Correct word choice

if you

show examples

always follow each

suggestions

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suggestion

show examples

that you

got

Verb problem

have

show examples

and take it without

think it

Wrong verb form

thinking

show examples

twice. In conclusion,

while

peer

group

pressure

will sometimes boost self-esteem,

peer

group

pressure

also

will lead you to

dependent

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be dependent

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

your peers.

Therefore

, I am fully convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.

Submitted by zefanyagyu on Tue Jan 23 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure use of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea.

coherence cohesion

Develop your arguments by using a variety of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.

coherence cohesion

Work on paragraph structure; each paragraph should have an introduction, supporting sentences, and a conclusion.

task achievement

Increase the range of vocabulary used and pay attention to accuracy (e.g., 'gains to two benefits' should be 'leads to two benefits').

task achievement

Use specific examples to support your points and provide detailed explanations.

task achievement

Be careful with grammatical accuracy and spelling to maintain clarity throughout your essay (e.g., 'you will have a lot of helps' should be 'you will have a lot of help').

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

275 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweight disadvantages?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In recent years, more and more people tend to live individually. What are the causes of this trend? Does this have a positive or negative effect on society?

Some people think that the range of technology currently available is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people. Others think that it is causing the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In many countries, students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. Why is that the case? What could be done to tackle the issue? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many university students want to learn about different subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others feel it is important to give all their time and attention to studying for their qualification.

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some think that the other type of progress is equally important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.