Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweight disadvantages?

Nowadays, peers become
a
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an
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important part of
adolescents
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adolescents'
adolescent's
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life
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lives
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and tend to encourage their
decision making
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decision-making
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. In
this
essay,
i
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I
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will explain why the drawbacks of
peer
group
pressure
overshadow the potential benefits. On the one hand,
peer
group
pressure
can gain
to
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apply
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two benefits.
Firstly
, you will have a lot of
helps
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help
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from your friend
group
. In
this
world, you often face plenty
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of problem
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problem
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problems
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that might need
feedbacks
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feedback
show examples
by
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from
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other people. If
peer
group
pressure
does not exist, there is a big chance for you to get
frustrate
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frustrated
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about your matters. It
is
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also leads
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also
leads to the feeling of security about your judgement because of the validation that
given
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is given
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by your buddy. In fact,
this
safe feeling could boost your self-esteem and
confident
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confidence
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about decisions that you
made
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make
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.
On the other hand
, despite
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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benefits, I would argue there are more drawbacks to
this
trend. The major disadvantage is
peer
group
pressure
would
created
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create
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a fickle mentality.
At
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In
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the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, you feel helped by
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
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peer
Change noun form
peer's
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suggestions perhaps if you always take their idea it
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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you to slowly
lost
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lose
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yourself and even
questioning
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question
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your conclusion. To illustrate,
you
Correct word choice
if you
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have
a academic difficulties
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academic difficulties
an academic difficulty
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and ask your friends
about
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for
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suggestions, every
types
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type
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of
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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friends
Fix the agreement mistake
friend
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in your friend
group
will give you different solutions.
Lastly
, you will become dependent
to
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on
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your peers.
This
could
happens
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happen
show examples
you
Correct word choice
if you
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always follow each
suggestions
Change to a singular noun
suggestion
show examples
that you
got
Verb problem
have
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and take it without
think it
Wrong verb form
thinking
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twice. In conclusion,
while
peer
group
pressure
will sometimes boost self-esteem,
peer
group
pressure
also
will lead you to
dependent
Add a missing verb
be dependent
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
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your peers.
Therefore
, I am fully convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure use of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Develop your arguments by using a variety of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure; each paragraph should have an introduction, supporting sentences, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Increase the range of vocabulary used and pay attention to accuracy (e.g., 'gains to two benefits' should be 'leads to two benefits').
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points and provide detailed explanations.
task achievement
Be careful with grammatical accuracy and spelling to maintain clarity throughout your essay (e.g., 'you will have a lot of helps' should be 'you will have a lot of help').
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