IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Young people are often influenced by their peers. This is called peer group pressure. Do the advantages outweight disadvantages?

#people #peers #peer #group #pressure #outweight
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Nowadays, peers become
a
Change the article
an
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 important part of
adolescents
Change noun form
adolescents'
adolescent's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and tend to encourage their
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
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I
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 will explain why the drawbacks of
peer
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
pressure
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 overshadow the potential benefits. On the one hand,
peer
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
pressure
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 can gain
to
Change preposition
apply
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two benefits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, you will have a lot of
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
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 from your friend
group
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. In
this
Linking Words
 world, you often face plenty
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of problem
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 that might need
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
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by
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from
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 other people. If
peer
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 does not exist, there is a big chance for you to get
frustrate
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frustrated
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 about your matters. It
is
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also leads
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also
Linking Words
 leads to the feeling of security about your judgement because of the validation that
given
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is given
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 by your buddy. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 safe feeling could boost your self-esteem and
confident
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confidence
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 about decisions that you
made
Wrong verb form
make
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 benefits, I would argue there are more drawbacks to
this
Linking Words
 trend. The major disadvantage is
peer
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
pressure
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 would
created
Change the verb form
create
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 a fickle mentality.
At
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In
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 the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, you feel helped by
you
Correct pronoun usage
your
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Use synonyms
peer
Change noun form
peer's
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 suggestions perhaps if you always take their idea it
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 you to slowly
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 yourself and even
questioning
Wrong verb form
question
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 your conclusion. To illustrate,
you
Correct word choice
if you
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 have
a academic difficulties
Correct the article-noun agreement
academic difficulties
an academic difficulty
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 and ask your friends
about
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for
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 suggestions, every
types
Change to a singular noun
type
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 of
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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friends
Fix the agreement mistake
friend
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 in your friend
group
Use synonyms
 will give you different solutions.
Lastly
Linking Words
, you will become dependent
to
Change preposition
on
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 your peers.
This
Linking Words
 could
happens
Change the verb form
happen
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you
Correct word choice
if you
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 always follow each
suggestions
Change to a singular noun
suggestion
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 that you
got
Verb problem
have
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 and take it without
think it
Wrong verb form
thinking
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 twice. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
peer
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group
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
 will sometimes boost self-esteem,
peer
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
pressure
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 will lead you to
dependent
Add a missing verb
be dependent
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to
Change preposition
on
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 your peers.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I am fully convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.
Submitted by zefanyagyu on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure use of clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea.
coherence cohesion
Develop your arguments by using a variety of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on paragraph structure; each paragraph should have an introduction, supporting sentences, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Increase the range of vocabulary used and pay attention to accuracy (e.g., 'gains to two benefits' should be 'leads to two benefits').
task achievement
Use specific examples to support your points and provide detailed explanations.
task achievement
Be careful with grammatical accuracy and spelling to maintain clarity throughout your essay (e.g., 'you will have a lot of helps' should be 'you will have a lot of help').
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