IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #time #activities #children #parents
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Some individuals suppose that
parents
Use synonyms
 should plan free
time
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activities
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 for
children
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.
However
Linking Words
, others
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 can decide to choose their own
activities
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. In my point of view,
parents
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 should manage
time
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activities
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 for
children
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is crucial for
children
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 to pick their own
activities
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. When
children
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 are given the freedom to choose their
activities
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, it
makes
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 them
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a feeling of success and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a kid plays soccer with his friends
afterschool
Correct your spelling
after school
show examples
.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the game, they obtain excitement, a sense of achievement, and friendship.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
children
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 can do things proactively without needing parental reminders, which will help them discover their
passion
Fix the agreement mistake
passions
show examples
 and
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
. I
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that organizing pastimes by
parents
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 has more advantages.
Parents
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 who understand their
children
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 best can arrange
time
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 for training and learning, which will be more beneficial for
Use synonyms
children's
Correct pronoun usage
their children's
show examples
 future.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 play an important role in selecting
activities
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 aligned with hobbies and strengths, which can help improve essential skills and talents.
Parents
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 can orient to develop their
children
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’s personal growth. In conclusion,
children
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 making their own decisions and enjoying their free
time
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 can be beneficial;
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 planning a
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
 schedule for
children
Use synonyms
 can be more important for their growth.
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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay more effectively with a clear introduction, distinct paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion summarizing your stance. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting sentences that relate directly to it.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument and your own opinion; however, make sure to develop your main points further with more detailed examples and explanations to fully satisfy the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and across paragraphs. This will help your essay flow better for the reader.
task achievement
Your personal opinion should be a clear and distinct part of your essay. Make sure it is consistently and clearly maintained throughout.
coherence cohesion
Verify that your essay has a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction and is reiterated in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
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