IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What young people should study at school has long been the subject of intense debate and this is a question that certainly does not have one correct answer.

#people #study #school #debate
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We need to provide young
people
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the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 best possible chance of doing well at school. In
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
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curriculum
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curriculum,
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 there is a wide variety of
subjects
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 with a mix of academic and
non- academic
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non-academic
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subjects
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. In
this
Linking Words
 way a young person is formed with a rounded
education
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.
Non- academic
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Non-academic
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subjects
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 would include sports, cooking, woodwork and metalwork. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is the best form of
education
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. A young person should learn things other than academic
subjects
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. Sport is particularly important. Young
people
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 have to learn to love sport so that they can be fit and healthy later in life. If not we will be raising an obese and unfit generation. I totally understand the point of view that
education
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 is so important that students must be pushed as hard as possible to achieve their best. It sounds
a
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like a
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good idea to only expose the students to academic
subjects
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 as
then
Linking Words
 they can spend all of their school hours
on
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apply
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studying areas that will get them into university and good jobs later in life. I just feel a more rounded
education
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 would produce a better individual. We must remember too that a lot of
people
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, maybe even most
people
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, aren‛t academically minded and would benefit more from a more vocationally based
education
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. Forcing academic studies onto them would lead to failure and the student leaving school too early.
Therefore
Linking Words
 I agree that
although
Linking Words
 a wholly academic curriculum would suit and benefit some young
people
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, I believe that for most students non-academic
subjects
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 are important inclusions still in today‛s syllabuses.
Submitted by Memmm on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear basic structure but could benefit from a more engaging introduction and a stronger conclusion. Try to introduce the topic with a hook that captures the reader's interest right from the start, and ensure you conclude with a summary of your main points and a final thought or recommendation.
logical structure
To improve the logical structure, make sure to order your ideas coherently, using clear paragraphs for each new topic. Use a range of linking words to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
supported main points
Support your main points with detailed examples. You can include personal anecdotes, statistics, or facts to make your arguments more persuasive and concrete.
complete response
For task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. In this case, incorporating some arguments about which specific subjects might be most beneficial for young people would make your response more complete.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by exploring both sides of the debate in greater depth. This includes reflecting on possible drawbacks of non-academic subjects and how they can be mitigated.
relevant specific examples
Include more relevant specifics and examples to illustrate your points. General statements are a good start, but specifics add credibility and depth to your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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