IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Holding International games such as The Olympic Games is an exciting event. Some people think that it has positive effects while other argue that it is a waste of money. Dicuss both sides of view and give your own opinion.

In the modern era, some individuals advocate for holding international
events
Use synonyms
. In the meantime, some other groups of society believe their disadvantages outweigh their advantages. With all due respect to the second group, I completely agree with holding these types of ceremonies and I'm going to explain my reasons in the rest of
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, proponents of
such
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 ceremonies tout their many advantages.
While
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 they're so exciting, they bring people from different nations and cultures together and help to prevail
kindness
Change preposition
in kindness
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 and peace against
war
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. In the Second
World
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War
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,
for instance
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, despite the
war
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 between England and Germany, soldiers from both countries came together and played football for several hours which interrupted the
war
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 and
killing
Wrong verb form
killed
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 each other.
In addition
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 to the prevalence of kindness, national
events
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 can contribute to the local economy of the host country and enhance tourism in that region.
For example
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, after the 2022
Qatar
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 Fifa
World
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 Cup,
Qatar
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 became one of the most popular destinations for tourists and helped
Qatar
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 to have one of the most sustainable and successful economies in the
world
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.
On the other hand
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,
such
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 huge
events
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 can cause some problems for both the environment and humanity. In most cases, the host country should build several stadiums and hotels to accommodate people from all over the
world
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 which increases the amount of emission in the air.
In addition
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, to construct these structures, they eliminate a lot of forests which destroys the habitat of a lot of animals and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is a kind of deforestation.
Thus
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, all these can lead to increasing the chance for natural disasters to occur and lower the health of society.
Such
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 as the 2022
Qatar
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 Fifa
World
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 Cup
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 built 12 new stadiums and several hotels where tons of dangerous emissions like CO2 were released into the air.
To conclude
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, despite some environmental problems that are solveable, of course, I think international
events
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 can help us to make some friends from other nations and get more familiar with their cultures which is enough for me to think that their benefits absolutely outweigh their drawbacks.

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coherence cohesion
Be sure to structure your essay with clear paragraphs, each containing a single main idea with appropriate supporting details. Introduce your topic, provide a balanced discussion of both views, and conclude with your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a range of cohesive devices and transitional phrases to indicate the relationship between ideas but avoid overuse or use them incorrectly. Examples include 'However,' 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' and 'On the other hand.'
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, ensure you address all parts of the prompt equally and develop your position with fully extended and well-supported ideas.
task achievement
Including real-world examples is a strong strategy, but ensure they are directly relevant and substantiated. Avoid making general statements without concrete evidence.
overall
To improve your overall score, work on varying your sentence structures, use a wide range of vocabulary, and proofread to eliminate grammatical errors.
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