IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowaways, more teenagers want to become famous actors or singers. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#nowaways #teenagers #actors #singers #development
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Domestic and international Investment will not grow as the
pandemic
Use synonyms
 will affect the countries with a
pandemic
Use synonyms
. Economic growth is accompanied by changes in the structure of the economy. When there is a disease outbreak, new firms will not have opportunities to establish themselves, as
banks
Use synonyms
 will not be able to loan them
money
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
banks
Use synonyms
 may face a crisis,
for example
Linking Words
, the US
banks
Use synonyms
 had given large numbers of mortgages to low-income households on deals that fixed low repayments for a few years. During the
pandemic
Use synonyms
, many would not be able to afford the repayments and
banks
Use synonyms
 may be bundling mortgages together and selling packages of mortgages to other
banks
Use synonyms
 or investors. Market failure in the
labour
Use synonyms
 market will
also
Linking Words
 deepen the crisis.
For example
Linking Words
, the UK's National Health Service (NHS) has a deepening shortage of nurses.
This
Linking Words
 means that hospitals face a shortage of manpower, when the
pandemic
Use synonyms
 strikes, medical teams may not be able to handle all the patients which causes an
increase
Use synonyms
 in the death rate and deepens the economy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 should seriously build more nursing schools and financially support prospective nurse students to mitigate
pandemic
Use synonyms
 effects. Artificial limits occupation's
labour
Use synonyms
 supply,
for example
Linking Words
, the introduction of lessen entry requirements can help in the
labour
Use synonyms
 force.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Use synonyms
 regulations for foreign
labour
Use synonyms
 may
increase
Use synonyms
 the
labour
Use synonyms
 force,
thus
Linking Words
, increasing economic growth.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 needs to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 to combat the virus
such
Linking Words
 as temporary medical stations, medications and research to solve the epidemic.
This
Linking Words
 even worsens the
government
Use synonyms
’s budget and may even create a deficit.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Use synonyms
 may need to
increase
Use synonyms
 the
money
Use synonyms
 supply in order to cope with the economic challenges.
Such
Linking Words
 as the United States of America, quantitative easing may
increase
Use synonyms
 the
money
Use synonyms
 supply and help the economy in the short run. I
also
Linking Words
 learned that country like Singapore, fiscal policy to subsidy citizens with monetary terms is helping them to withstand the
pandemic
Use synonyms
 in the short term. As
such
Linking Words
, unwinding the monetary stimulus will not be possible as the
pandemic
Use synonyms
 may be a long-term issue. I acknowledge that it is very important to rely on my own knowledge and express my thoughts from the fundamentals I learned during the lectures. Without much attention in class, I may not be able to fulfil the discussion and complete the task
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 ease. As I was a timid and shy girl, open discussion was not my cup of tea.
However
Linking Words
, through the journey, I now understand that expressing my thoughts is becoming a rewarding experience. Having
courage
Change the article
the courage
show examples
 to express my
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
,
knowledge
Correct word choice
and knowledge
show examples
 and
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
 it is
affirmative
Correct article usage
an affirmative
show examples
 learning experience
whcih
Correct your spelling
that
 I may use
such
Linking Words
 skills in the future when in my career days.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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Structure
Ensure the introduction clearly states your understanding of the topic and outlines your main points. The conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments or present a final view.
Coherence
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea introduced by a topic sentence. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Response
Make sure to fully address the task given, including all parts of the prompt in your response. Provide specific examples and fully explain their relevance to your argument.
Tone
Your essay should consistently maintain a formal tone and use appropriate academic language. Avoid using colloquial phrases or a conversational style.
Development
Develop your ideas fully with explanations and examples. Try to elaborate more on why the phenomenon is occurring and discuss its positive and negative implications with supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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