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Band 4.5

Nowaways, more teenagers want to become famous actors or singers. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

#nowaways #teenagers #actors #singers #development
Domestic and international Investment will not grow as the
pandemic
 will affect the countries with a
pandemic
. Economic growth is accompanied by changes in the structure of the economy. When there is a disease outbreak, new firms will not have opportunities to establish themselves, as
banks
 will not be able to loan them
money
.
Moreover
,
banks
 may face a crisis,
for example
, the US
banks
 had given large numbers of mortgages to low-income households on deals that fixed low repayments for a few years. During the
pandemic
, many would not be able to afford the repayments and
banks
 may be bundling mortgages together and selling packages of mortgages to other
banks
 or investors. Market failure in the
labour
 market will
also
 deepen the crisis.
For example
, the UK's National Health Service (NHS) has a deepening shortage of nurses.
This
 means that hospitals face a shortage of manpower, when the
pandemic
 strikes, medical teams may not be able to handle all the patients which causes an
increase
 in the death rate and deepens the economy.
Therefore
, the
government
 should seriously build more nursing schools and financially support prospective nurse students to mitigate
pandemic
 effects. Artificial limits occupation's
labour
 supply,
for example
, the introduction of lessen entry requirements can help in the
labour
 force.
Therefore
,
government
 regulations for foreign
labour
 may
increase
 the
labour
 force,
thus
, increasing economic growth.
Moreover
, the
government
 needs to spend more
money
 to combat the virus
such
 as temporary medical stations, medications and research to solve the epidemic.
This
 even worsens the
government
’s budget and may even create a deficit.
Therefore
, the
government
 may need to
increase
 the
money
 supply in order to cope with the economic challenges.
Such
 as the United States of America, quantitative easing may
increase
 the
money
 supply and help the economy in the short run. I
also
 learned that country like Singapore, fiscal policy to subsidy citizens with monetary terms is helping them to withstand the
pandemic
 in the short term. As
such
, unwinding the monetary stimulus will not be possible as the
pandemic
 may be a long-term issue. I acknowledge that it is very important to rely on my own knowledge and express my thoughts from the fundamentals I learned during the lectures. Without much attention in class, I may not be able to fulfil the discussion and complete the task
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 ease. As I was a timid and shy girl, open discussion was not my cup of tea.
However
, through the journey, I now understand that expressing my thoughts is becoming a rewarding experience. Having
courage
Change the article
the courage
show examples
 to express my
idea
Fix the agreement mistake
ideas
show examples
,
knowledge
Correct word choice
and knowledge
show examples
 and
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
 it is
affirmative
Correct article usage
an affirmative
show examples
 learning experience
whcih
Correct your spelling
that
 I may use
such
 skills in the future when in my career days.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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Structure
Ensure the introduction clearly states your understanding of the topic and outlines your main points. The conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments or present a final view.
Coherence
Organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea introduced by a topic sentence. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Task Response
Make sure to fully address the task given, including all parts of the prompt in your response. Provide specific examples and fully explain their relevance to your argument.
Tone
Your essay should consistently maintain a formal tone and use appropriate academic language. Avoid using colloquial phrases or a conversational style.
Development
Develop your ideas fully with explanations and examples. Try to elaborate more on why the phenomenon is occurring and discuss its positive and negative implications with supporting details.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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