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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.

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The graph and table below give information about water use worldwide and water consumption in two different countries.
The graph depicts global
water
Use synonyms
use
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 in three sectors between 1900 and 2000,
while
Linking Words
 the table
is comparing
Wrong verb form
compares
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 consumption in
Brazil
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 and the democratic republic of
Congo
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
water
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use
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 increased in all sectors during
this
Linking Words
 period.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
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 we can see that agriculture
used
Wrong verb form
uses
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 much more
water
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 than industry and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic
use
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Brazil
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 used a lot more
water
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 than
Congo
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 in all the categories in the table. First of all, agricultural
water
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 increased significantly from 500 km3 in 1900 to around 3000 km3 in 2000. The increase came very fast after
1950
Punctuation problem
1950,
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 maybe because of the Second World War.
Secondly
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, industrial
water
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 grew a lot during the century. It started approximately 100 km3 and reached around 1200 km3 by 2000. Domestic
water
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use
Use synonyms
 increased more slowly. It starts at under 100 km3 and goes up to 400 km3
at the end
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.
According to
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 the table at the bottom,
Brazil
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 has a population of 176 million people, and
Congo
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 has only 5.2 million.
Furthermore
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,
Brazil
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 had 26,500 km2 of irrigated land, and
Congo
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 only had 100 km2.
As a result
Linking Words
,
water
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 consumption
in
Change preposition
per
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 person in
Brazil
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 was much higher, with 359 m3, compared with only 8 m3 in
Congo
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is a very important difference.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, use, brazil, congo, km with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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