Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or diagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level #diagree

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It is argued that fine arts

such

Linking Words

music

Use synonyms

art

Use synonyms

and drama are equally important as other school

subjects

Use synonyms

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

at the fundamental level. I totally agree with

this

Linking Words

statement, because these particular

subjects

Use synonyms

improve the imagination, motor, and cognitive functions of

students

Use synonyms

. When

art

Use synonyms

, drama and

music

Use synonyms

lessons are compared to other school

subjects

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, these fields improve the imagination of

students

Use synonyms

. These

subjects

Use synonyms

offer a new approach to

understand

Wrong verb form

understanding

show examples

objects and nature,

therefore

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, people who are interested

these

Change preposition

in these

show examples

areas can visualise an object or concept much

easily

Correct quantifier usage

more easily

show examples

For example

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, paint artists can draw anything with the help of references, and most

students

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can learn

this

Linking Words

ability by joining

art

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classes. Many authorities admit that

students

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do not have to strictly continue to paint new things, only a fundamental level of interest can develop

this

Linking Words

level of strong imagination.

The another

Remove the article

Another

show examples

contribution of fine arts to

students

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is that they can improve motor and cognitive functions of

students

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. It might affect

muscle

Correct article usage

the muscle

show examples

memory of athletes and musicians in the long term, and actors can express much more appropriate emotions during their scenes.

Students

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should be aware of these benefits, especially if they are interested in these kinds of careers. To illustrate

this

Linking Words

, Fazil Say, an important composer and pianist,

say

Correct subject-verb agreement

says

show examples

that he could learn musical

instuments

Correct your spelling

instruments

faster than other

students

Use synonyms

because he had

music

Use synonyms

and

art

Use synonyms

lessons in his school. In conclusion, I believe that

art

Use synonyms

music

Use synonyms

and drama lessons are

highly

Rephrase

as highly

show examples

important as other

subjects

Use synonyms

because

students

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can broaden their horizons to visualise objects

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and improve their motor and cognitive abilities.

Submitted by historicalpen on Fri Jan 26 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

When explaining the importance of art, music, and drama in improving imagination, try to incorporate more varied language to avoid repetition, such as by using synonyms or different grammatical structures.

Task Achievement

Work on the development of your ideas by expanding on how these subjects specifically enhance cognitive functions with additional examples or evidence.

Language Accuracy

Be careful with minor grammatical errors and spelling. Proofreading can help eliminate these and make your essay more polished.

Task Achievement

Make sure your examples are detailed and directly related to the points you are making. For instance, mentioning specific aspects of Fazil Say's education that helped him could make your argument stronger.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or diagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

Have you recently bought a mobile phone? Write a review about the phone explaining why you bought it, how easy it is to use and if you would recommend it to others.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that young people bring more profit to the company. Others says that older people actually bring more profits. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

With the widespread use of the internet , more people choose to work from home . Do the advantages of this trends oughtweigh the disadvantage?