Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or diagree?
It is argued that fine arts
such
as music
, art
and drama are equally important as other school subjects
especially
at the fundamental level. I totally agree with Add the comma(s)
, especially
this
statement, because these particular subjects
improve the imagination, motor, and cognitive functions of students
.
When art
, drama and music
lessons are compared to other school subjects
, these fields improve the imagination of students
. These subjects
offer a new approach to understand
objects and nature, Wrong verb form
understanding
therefore
, people who are interested these
areas can visualise an object or concept much Change preposition
in these
easily
. Correct quantifier usage
more easily
For example
, paint artists can draw anything with the help of references, and most students
can learn this
ability by joining art
classes. Many authorities admit that students
do not have to strictly continue to paint new things, only a fundamental level of interest can develop this
level of strong imagination.
The another
contribution of fine arts to Remove the article
Another
students
is that they can improve motor and cognitive functions of students
. It might affect muscle
memory of athletes and musicians in the long term, and actors can express much more appropriate emotions during their scenes. Correct article usage
the muscle
Students
should be aware of these benefits, especially if they are interested in these kinds of careers. To illustrate this
, Fazil Say, an important composer and pianist, say
that he could learn musical Correct subject-verb agreement
says
instuments
faster than other Correct your spelling
instruments
students
because he had music
and art
lessons in his school.
In conclusion, I believe that art
, music
and drama lessons are highly
important as other Rephrase
as highly
subjects
because students
can broaden their horizons to visualise objects,
and improve their motor and cognitive abilities.Remove the comma
apply
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Coherence & Cohesion
When explaining the importance of art, music, and drama in improving imagination, try to incorporate more varied language to avoid repetition, such as by using synonyms or different grammatical structures.
Task Achievement
Work on the development of your ideas by expanding on how these subjects specifically enhance cognitive functions with additional examples or evidence.
Language Accuracy
Be careful with minor grammatical errors and spelling. Proofreading can help eliminate these and make your essay more polished.
Task Achievement
Make sure your examples are detailed and directly related to the points you are making. For instance, mentioning specific aspects of Fazil Say's education that helped him could make your argument stronger.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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