IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Many
sports
Use synonyms
 are dangerous and many
people
Use synonyms
 guess that
Correct article usage
the govenrment
show examples
govenrment
Correct your spelling
government
 should prohibit dangerous athletics,
while
Linking Words
 others think it is
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 right to choose any things or activities. In my opinion, government should
looking
Change the verb form
look
be looking
show examples
 for the best option between these two arguments.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay believes dangerous athletics should not be banned and the
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 ministry should make a regulation to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful
sports
Use synonyms
. First and foremost, all
sports
Use synonyms
 in the world
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 side which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 injury if we only play it without
care
Wrong verb form
caring
show examples
 about the information
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
 that
sport
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 still love that kind of
Use synonyms
sports
Fix the agreement mistake
sport
show examples
. Some
people
Use synonyms
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
sport
Use synonyms
 will increase our adrenaline and it
really
Add a missing verb
is really
show examples
 better than doing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative things.
For instance
Linking Words
, jumping,
this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
 should you to jump from the highest
place
Use synonyms
 to the lowest
place
Use synonyms
. It used to play in
beach
Add an article
the beach
show examples
 area and you should bring the safety things called
Correct article usage
the parachute
show examples
parachute
Fix the agreement mistake
parachutes
show examples
.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
 is really dangerous if you do not have any
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 at all,
that is
Linking Words
 why you have to practise more and if
this
Linking Words
 is your first time
to play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
 it, there will be a person who accompany you during the jump. Meanwhile, simple
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as running, basketball, football and
swimiing
Correct your spelling
swimming
 have their
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 side too. For illustrates, you are not doing a warming up in the beginning. It will make your
muscle
Fix the agreement mistake
muscles
show examples
schocked
Correct your spelling
shocked
 and the probability of getting
injury
Replace the word
injured
show examples
 is really high. Another example,
when
Add a missing verb
is when
show examples
 you are running in the streets which
full
Add a missing verb
are full
show examples
 of transportation, the possibility of getting
accident
Correct article usage
an accident
show examples
 is too high.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 role is extremely important.
The
Correct article usage
First
show examples
first,
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 ministry
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to make a regulation that includes terms and
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 to do
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they should make a
place
Use synonyms
 like
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
a sport
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 centre
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can do any
sports
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, the government must publish and socialize that information through social media. In conclusion, all
sports
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 their own risk,
consequently
Linking Words
, the
sports
Use synonyms
 minister must give
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instruction
Fix the agreement mistake
instructions
show examples
 to the community and
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 a
place
Use synonyms
 for doing athletics
while
Linking Words
 the society should pay attention to their own health.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction briefly outlines the topic and your opinion. It should lay the groundwork for what is to follow in the essay.
Supported Main Points
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations to strengthen your argument and clarify your stance on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas, paragraphs, and sentences to make the text flow more naturally. This includes using synonyms to avoid repetition and transition words to connect ideas.
Task Achievement
Focus on fully responding to all parts of the task. Ensure that both views are discussed equally and your own opinion is clear, with relevant explanations supporting each viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
What to do next:
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