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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts show the amount of money that a Kazakh charity organization spent and received in 2019.

The pie charts show the amount of money that a Kazakh charity organization spent and received in 2019.
#show #amount #money #kazakh #charity #organization
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The pie chart gives information regarding the outcome and
income
Use synonyms
 financial of the
organization
Use synonyms
 of Kazakh Charity in 2019.
Overall
Linking Words
,
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources and expenditures have
a similar proportions
Correct the article-noun agreement
a similar proportion
similar proportions
show examples
 which is dominated by one factor that contributed over 80% of the total proportion. Both
revenue
Use synonyms
 resources and expenditures are dominated by one sector that provides a big proportion
over
Change preposition
of over
show examples
 80%. In
revenue
Use synonyms
 sources, donated food contributed a huge number namely 86,6%,
whereas
Linking Words
 in expenditure is shown that program services spent money most, it was proven by percentage at 95,8%.
In addition
Linking Words
, Kazakh Charity organizations
also
Linking Words
 received
income
Use synonyms
 from other sectors
such
Linking Words
 as community distributions and program
revenue
Use synonyms
 of about 2%-10%.
Then
Linking Words
 factors
such
Linking Words
 as investment
income
Use synonyms
, government grants and other kinds of
income
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 supported Kazakh Charity
Organization
Use synonyms
 at under 1%.
In addition
Linking Words
, even though
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 money of the
organization
Use synonyms
 is used for program services, there are still other factors that require
Organization
Use synonyms
 money. Those factors are Fundraising and Management and General with numbers 2,6% and 1,6% from total expenditure.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, in addition, such".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words income, organization, revenue with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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