Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own idea (in words, pictures, music of film) in whicever way they wich. There should be no government restrctions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#artists #freedom #idea #pictures #music #film #whicever #wich #government #restrctions

These days many

artists

show their products without any restriction from

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

or our society. Under

this

circumstance

Add a comma

circumstance,

show examples

some

people

think that

government

Correct article usage

the government

show examples

do not need to take action

for handling

Change preposition

to handle

show examples

this

problem.

However

, I firmly disagree with

this

idea because

this

issue

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

a negative influence on our society and

also

it makes decrease worthy of

arts

. First of all, if

artists

do not have restrictions, it could

make

Verb problem

have

show examples

negative effects on our community. To express their own creativity, sometimes they show

arts

which are away from the standard norm. Under

this

circumstance

, children are influenced by the

artists

arts

and their parents should

be complain

Change the verb form

complain

show examples

to the creators. After that, many

people

think that the

artists

have a bad effect on our society and they start to block

artists

. For these reasons, the

artist

who has their own rules will be

effected

Correct your spelling

affected

show examples

this

circumstance

For example

, in Korea, children are influenced by singers and actors

especially

Add the comma(s)

, especially

show examples

hiphop

Correct your spelling

hip-hop

hip hop

artists

are affect

Change the verb form

are affected

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

teenagers. Students who desire to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

hiphop

Correct your spelling

hip-hop

hip hop

artist

mimic

artist’s

Fix the agreement mistake

artists’

show examples

behaviour and lyrics which are

kind

Correct article usage

a kind

show examples

slangs

Fix the agreement mistake

slang

show examples

For

this

reason, many parents block their kids

Change preposition

from

show examples

watching

hiphop

Correct your spelling

hip-hop

hip hop

artists

. Another reason is that it can make

decrease

Add an article

a decrease

the decrease

show examples

worthy

Replace the word

worth

show examples

art

. If they show their idea freely, it would

be drop

Change the verb form

drop

show examples

their value of expertise. It means that expressing their creativity without any rules can

make

Verb problem

apply

show examples

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

lower

entry

Correct article usage

the entry

show examples

barrier in

this

field.

For

this

reason,

people

will have

Change the article

show examples

lower admiration of

art

and

also

arts

begin to shrink.

For example

, in Korea, many young

people

desire to

Add a missing verb

be artist

show examples

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

and they want to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

creator

Fix the agreement mistake

creators

show examples

. Under

this

circumstance

Add a comma

circumstance,

show examples

they create a lot of

art

pieces and display

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

on their Instagram. It means that many young

generation

Change to a plural noun

generations

show examples

no longer think that

art

is not

serious

Correct article usage

a serious

show examples

and expertise field.

As a result

this

atmosphere

reducing

Wrong verb form

reduced

show examples

the scarcity of Korean

art

. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with

this

opinion because it can

Verb problem

have

show examples

bad

Add an article

a bad

show examples

effect on our community, and

also

when they express their creativity without any barriers, it can drop worthy of creativities.

Submitted by jiyoonahn99 on Fri Jan 26 2024

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coherence cohesion

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task achievement

For task achievement, you should focus on fully responding to all parts of the task prompt. It is essential to give a balanced argument if the question requires discussion of both sides, and to develop your ideas fully with illustrations and examples. Ensure each paragraph conveys a single clear idea and expand on it with specific details.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

353 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own idea (in words, pictures, music of film) in whicever way they wich. There should be no government restrctions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

For many , shopping malls are great places to spend their leisure time and meet others . People , however, in the past mostly visited shopping malls when necessary . To what extent do you think this is a negative trend?

To learn a foreign language it is necessary to live in the country where it is spoken. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move from large cities to regional areas. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Memorising facts is the most important way to succeed in education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Air crafts have been increasingly used to transport fruits and vegetables to some countries where such plants hardly grow or are out of season. Some people consider it a good trend, but some people oppose it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.