IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The charts give information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US Summerise the information about honey-bee colonies and honey production by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about honey-bee colonies and honey production in the US Summerise the information about honey-bee colonies and honey production by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #honey-bee #colonies #honey #production #summerise #features #comparisons
To start with there are a few statistics about the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
honey
 colonies and
honey
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
 in
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
us from 1970 to 2010 were demonstrated by these bar charts clearly
Firstly
chart
 of
America
Replace the word
American
show examples
honey
-bee colonies
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 us the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of colonies with two especially bars are the highest and lowest ,which were 1980 and 2010 took over 4 and about 1.8
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 respectively
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 the
chart
 of
Us
Correct your spelling
US
show examples
honey
 productions
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 a bit different from the other when the
firts
Correct your spelling
first
 bar
chart
 was calmly decreased . But in 
this
chart
Add a comma
chart,
show examples
  the amount of
honey
productions
Fix the agreement mistake
production
show examples
was rapidly went
Change the verb form
rapidly went
show examples
 down when it dropped about  54% from 130  to 70 tones in wich oder 1970 and 2010 . Ultimately both of
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
 charts were falling behind when the first
chart
go
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 down 45% and the other was 54% . In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the decline in both charts, made me think that bee
habitas
Correct your spelling
habits
habitats
habitat
 might have
due
Add a missing verb
been due
show examples
 to factors like deforestation and human activities
Submitted by ngovhngoc on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words honey, chart with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 8 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "went down" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: