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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
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The first bar graph depicts the proportion of
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership in general from 2002 to 2010,
while
Linking Words
 another graph illustrates the same thing based on educational
level
Use synonyms
 which is divided into five different categories in 2002 and 2010. The figures in both graphs are measured in percentages.
Overall
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, it is noticeable that both graphs have an upward trend over the period given.
Moreover
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, it is
also
Linking Words
 interesting to note that the highest proportion of people who have their own
computer
Use synonyms
 happened in 2010.
Along with
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this
Linking Words
, the biggest percentage of
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership based on education
level
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 exists in the same year. In terms of
computer
Use synonyms
 ownership, in 2002, the figure was slightly more than half the proportion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 about 58%.
This
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 number
then
Linking Words
 consistently increased by about 2% more every two years, achieving a peak at approximately 72%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
Along with
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this
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, the number of people who had computers as their education
level
Use synonyms
 climbed continuously. Postgraduate
level
Use synonyms
 contributed the highest percentage of having a
computer
Use synonyms
 at 70% and 90% in 2002 and 2010 respectively, as opposed to those who were not enrolling high school diploma only had 12% for the first period and almost four times higher in 2010.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "along with, also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words computer, level with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consistent increase
  • growing reliance on technology
  • clear correlation
  • digital divide
  • notable growth
  • most pronounced disparity
  • gap reduced considerably
  • percentage growth
  • higher educational levels
  • educational groups
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