IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Essay topics: Providing a national system in a country where the unemployed receive a regular payment only encourages people not to seek work and puts an unreasonable strain on a countries financial resources. Discuss this statement and give your opinion.

#topics #system #country #payment #people #work #strain #countries #resources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some
people
 that the mechanism of a country where the unemployed get a regular payment only encourages them to not seek work and
form
Correct subject-verb agreement
forms
show examples
 a burden on the nation's financial stability. The reason why is
due to
 the government wants to provide the civilians who are unsuccessful to get their own wages. From my point of view, it is best for the
policy maker
Correct your spelling
policymaker
show examples
 to not provide regular
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
 for the unemployed. I will explain
further
 concerning my perspective in
this
 essay. The monthly wages for the unemployed may push
people
 to not search for work, and even to stop working. The
people
 may perceive the unfairness between the employed and unemployed, where the
people
 who are working strive and put effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their line,
while
 the ones who are not working get money by doing nothing.
Nonetheless
, the policy makes
people
 prefer to stay at home rather than searching
or
Change preposition
for or
show examples
 doing jobs.
Furthermore
,
due to
 the
decrease
Replace the word
decreased
show examples
 amount of the employed and the increase of civilians to provide, the monetary burden expands. The struggles of finance will only lead the nation into a downfall,
such
 as the unfinished projects, minimum education spending, and the infrastructure that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no longer in care.
Moreover
, if the economy of a country
elapsed
Wrong verb form
elapses
show examples
, it will affect the society as a whole, making the nation stuck in a crisis.
To conclude
, I
am not agree
Change the verb form
do not agree
show examples
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 nations must share regular
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 for the unemployed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it will lead to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increase amount of the unemployed
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and the peak of financial strain.
However
, the government can support its
people
 by providing them
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 other things,
such
 as free health care support and education support.
Submitted by asmaningrum2125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Include a clearer introduction directly addressing the statement and the essay question, ensuring there's a distinct thesis statement.
task achievement
Provide more precise and detailed examples to support your arguments, making sure they are relevant to the question at hand.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting more complex sentence structures to enhance the level of English expression throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to better connect ideas and paragraphs, improving the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea and that each idea is thoroughly developed before moving to the next point.
task achievement
Address both views of the statement in your discussion, providing balance and demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: