IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Do you agree or disagree that it is important to have loyal employees inorder for the company to be successful

#employees #inorder #company
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2.Successful high-quality
project
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experience
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 support on design/development, implementation, monitoring, and evaluation,
as well as
Linking Words
 unique knowledge dissemination
management
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experience
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. At MOF, I was responsible for the
management
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 of TAs for 6 years. At ADB, as focal, I participated in
project
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 initiation, implementation, monitoring, change of
project
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 content, and arrangement of
project
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 activities, forming
experience
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 in
project
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 portfolio
management
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 system. I managed 135
projects
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 supported by
PRC
Correct article usage
the PRC
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 Fund,48 of which were active,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 ratio of success was 96%. I reviewed several
hundreds
Change to singular
hundred
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projects
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, and selected 32
projects
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 for approval within 3 years, which supported all sectors of ADB, including infrastructure, agriculture, food security, health, transportation, energy, urban water, rural development, smart city, climate change, pandemic related TAs, and loan grants mixed
projects
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 etc. I have accumulated rich
experience
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 in managing
projects
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 and have reported the progress and implementation of the
projects
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 to the donors through relevant research and analysis reports. The donors were satisfied with our
management
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 methods. Meanwhile, at the Asian Development Bank, we conducted unique knowledge dissemination activities
according to
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 the requirements of donors and accumulated relevant
experience
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, including fund
project
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 booths for annual
meeting
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meetings
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, annual reports, quarterly newsletters,
project
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 progress analysis meetings,
project
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experience
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 sharing meetings,
project
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 status analysis reports, and so on.
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task achievement
The response does not directly address the question of whether having loyal employees is important for company success, focusing instead on project experience at MOF and ADB. To improve, directly answer the question and make your stance clear.
coherence and cohesion
There is a lack of an introduction and conclusion, which are necessary for structuring the essay. Ensure that the essay starts with an introductory statement about the topic and ends with a conclusion summarizing the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The main points about project management experience need to be supported with reflections on how this relates to employee loyalty and company success. Provide explicit connections between your examples and the essay question.
coherence and cohesion
Use paragraphing to enhance the logical structure of the essay. Each main point should be within its own paragraph and clearly linked to the overall thesis of the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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