IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people regard work as the most important thing in life and have little interest in anything else. Other people are more enthusiastic about their hobbies and leisure interests than their jobs. discuss both these attitudes and give your opinion.

It is obvious that there are several working cultures these days.
Although
Linking Words
 some people believe that work is the first priority in their life, I believe that to some extent we should be
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 about our hobbies and interests
besides
Linking Words
 jobs. The majority of people who are
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their productive age often spend most of their time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is because work is their self-satisfaction, they
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
 passionate about their fields and have
high
Add an article
a high
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 desire to achieve their dreams.
For example
Linking Words
, they sacrifice years to enhance their capabilities until get
promotion
Replace the word
promoted
show examples
as
Change preposition
to
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 a senior manager.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of them have
obligation
Correct article usage
an obligation
show examples
 to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their families. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
born
Verb problem
apply
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children
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 high pressure to fund their
families
Fix the agreement mistake
family
show examples
 needs
such
Linking Words
 as tuition fees of their siblings, and living costs.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have no choice and focus on gaining money
instead
Linking Words
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, several employees argue that doing hobbies is a paramount thing rather than work. One justification given is that working is only for
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and it
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not give them happiness and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, they will use their
mean time
Correct your spelling
meantime
show examples
 to
undergo
Verb problem
pursue
show examples
 their interests
likewise
Linking Words
 bicycling, reading, and hiking.
In addition
Linking Words
, they try to balance
this
Linking Words
 hustle culture trend by maintaining their well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, when workers feel
underpressure
Correct your spelling
under pressure
show examples
 at their companies, as simple as watching
series
Correct article usage
a series
show examples
 is a pleasure for them. In conclusion, despite only prioritizing our career, we cannot deny that we should have an awareness to provide our body
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
good rest and entertainment in order to achieve a better quality of life for societies.

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introduction conclusion present
Try to present a clear thesis statement in the introduction indicating your position on the topic which will guide the reader through your discussion.
logical structure
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Support your main points with specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more compelling.
complete response
Ensure that you directly address all parts of the task prompt, including a discussion of both views and your own opinion, to achieve a more complete response.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity in presenting your ideas by using varied sentence structures and avoiding overly complex or convoluted expressions.
relevant specific examples
Provide concrete and relevant examples that directly relate to your points to enhance the specificity and illustrate the ideas you are discussing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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