IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. So, sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
High carbohydrate consumption can deteriorate an individual’s well-being. Nowadays, many processed
items
Use synonyms
 contain a greater quantity of sugar which is responsible for causing health-related problems.
however
Linking Words
, the government should apply taxes on these companies and their products, so that individuals can consume healthy or less sugary foods. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I agree with the notion, and discuss how the government can raise the prices of sugary
items
Use synonyms
 to encourage individuals to adopt a healthier lifestyle. Currently, many organizations are manufacturing processed
items
Use synonyms
 which contain a high amount of
carbohydrate
Fix the agreement mistake
carbohydrates
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 sugar helps in
food
Use synonyms
 preservation, it can
also
Linking Words
 deteriorate human health.
For instance
Linking Words
, diabetes and obesity, are the most common problems which increase both mortality and morbidity rates in Pakistan.
According to
Linking Words
 a 2023 survey in Pakistan, approximately 70% of deaths are occurred
due to
Linking Words
 these complications.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the issues are arising over time, because people are consuming artificial sweet in a large amount. Almost all ready-made
snack
Fix the agreement mistake
snacks
show examples
contains
Correct subject-verb agreement
contain
show examples
 artificial sweets, and
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 just
buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
show examples
 them without knowing the consequences.
However
Linking Words
, the consumption of sugary foods and drinks is common because of their affordability and accessibility in every shop. Dunkin Donuts,
for instance
Linking Words
, sell a
donut
Change the spelling
doughnut
show examples
 for 2
dollars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 a Kiwi
has cost
Wrong verb form
costs
show examples
 around 12
dollars
Use synonyms
 per kg.
similarly
Linking Words
, soda drink costs around 1.5
dollars
Use synonyms
whereas
Linking Words
 the cost of mineral water is 5
dollars
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 huge difference, people prefer to buy cheap
food
Use synonyms
 rather than healthy. In order to avoid
this
Linking Words
 unhealthy trend, the
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
 need to impose heavy taxation on these products and must arrange awareness programs for the public, to make them realize how these sugary foods and drinks cause well-being
dilemma
Fix the agreement mistake
dilemmas
show examples
. In conclusion, many companies are using high levels of sugar in their
items
Use synonyms
 which helps in the preservation of
food
Use synonyms
, but these can
also
Linking Words
 lead to many health-related issues. The government need to come forward and impose high taxes on sweet products so that people buy healthy
food
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical progression. The use of linking words to connect ideas can be improved for better cohesion.
task achievement
In the introduction, present your clear opinion in response to the question. Throughout the essay, consistently maintain this position and make sure your conclusion reinforces it without introducing new points.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and data to bolster your arguments. Use case studies, statistics, or reports that directly relate to the topic instead of hypothetical scenarios.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation to ensure clarity and precision in your writing. Avoid run-on sentences and make sure each sentence properly conveys its intended meaning.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: