Some people think that having a set retirement age (e. g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age. Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?
Retirement
is very
important aspect Add an article
a very
in
every job holder's life and it is the time when any person moves from Change preposition
of
job
to Correct article usage
a job
Correct article usage
a leisure
leisure
life. Fixing Replace the word
leisurely
age
for Correct article usage
the age
retirement
is correct or not and whether certain employees
are entitled to early retirement
and pension
. In my point of view that
both claims have their own merits and in Correct word choice
apply
this
essay
I will discuss both stances with Add a comma
essay,
explanation
and experiences of mine.
Supporters of the set Fix the agreement mistake
explanations
retirement
age
says
that fixing the tenure of Change the verb form
say
retirement
promotes justice and equality in the
society. Having Correct article usage
apply
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
retirement
age
is also
intended to ensure employees
work for a specific period and contribute to the state's economy. Similarly
, pension
planning is also
very standard. It may get
help the retired people for the rest of their lives. Verb problem
apply
Therefore
, it is a fair and reasonable act to fixing
the Wrong verb form
fix
age
of retirement
for all employees
.
On the other side, some employees
may be retired
early Wrong verb form
retire
due to
the nature of their work, example
includeFix the agreement mistake
examples
,
construction workers, police officers, soldiers, firemen, Remove the comma
apply
minersor
chemical plant workers.
People involved in these sectors may face serious health risks. That's why, I think, Correct your spelling
miners
miners or
employees
should be allowed to retire at an early ages
and get Correct the article-noun agreement
age
pension
.
In the light of Add an article
a pension
the pension
above
discussion, I would like Add an article
the above
to conclude
that every job is different
type of nature, Add an article
a different
however
, certain employees
deserve early retirement
. They should also
be given pension
on time. Any decision regarding early Correct article usage
a pension
retirement
should be made keeping in mind the work and health of the employee.Submitted by musabsaeed1030 on
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task achievement
The essay presents a viewpoint on the topic, but the development of ideas is somewhat limited. Increase the depth of your argument by adding more details, examples, and explanations to fully support your stance.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear progression of ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the logical flow from one sentence to another and from one paragraph to the next.
task achievement
Provide specific examples to illustrate your points more effectively and convincingly. Examples drawn from real-life, research studies, or hypothetical situations can significantly strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly states your viewpoint and outlines the aspects you will discuss. Your conclusion should restate your position and summarize the main points made in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Take care to ensure that each paragraph contains one main idea and that it is thoroughly examined. More developed paragraphs will contribute to a clearer and more coherent discussion of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
