IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that schools should teach foreign languages for primary children. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Learning a foreign
language
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 has been accepted /
acknowleged
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acknowledged
acknowledge
/ received/ welcomed /embraced/ adopted as
key
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a key
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 to raising well-rounded children, and several educational systems have been adding subjects related to new
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language
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languages
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 in elementary schools in recent years.
While
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this
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 pattern has some disadvantages like a risk of disturbing
kids
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’ attention
,
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apply
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 and being overwhelmed
it is clear that
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 advantages like being more familiar with a foreign
language
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 offer people better
pronounce
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pronouncing
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 and
deeper
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a deeper
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understanDing
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understanding
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about
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of
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 different customs. One of the main drawbacks
is about
Verb problem
of
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 learning a new
language
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 in primary schools is that these lessons may put pressure on
kids
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. Students whose
ages
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 are between 7 to 15 may struggle if they are forced to study long hours.
Therefore
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, if curriculums are extended by adding new lessons, pupils may lose their total attention
while
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 studying,
in
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addition
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addition,
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 they may reject studying entirely/completely.
Moreover
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, the broadened syllabus may put a burden on the mental health of youngsters. To illustrate, those individuals, whose
ages
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 fall between 7 to 15 have not been able to (/can not) generate well-designed strategies to maintain their mental health in comparison with adults. So, they can easily be overwhelmed,
as a result
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 of
heavy
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the heavy
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responsibilites
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responsibilities
, which
comes
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come
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 from the expanded curriculum.
To sum up
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, adding new lessons related to foreign
languages
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 to the syllabus may adversely impact
kids
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, by increasing the
neccesities
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necessities
 of being a student, as they are not able to manage these burdens at early tender
ages
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. Despite some drawbacks, learning new
languages
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 has numerous positive effects on
kids
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.
Firstly
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, having
a
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apply
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good pronunciation
in particular
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 is accepted as a key factor for fluent speaking. As long as people are exposed to a
language
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 at
early
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an early
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ages
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age
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, their
pronuncation
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pronunciation
tend
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tends
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 to improve dramatically without a huge effort.
Secondly
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,
while
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kids
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 are learning a new
language
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, they are likely to touch new traditions
,
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apply
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 and ways of life. Since they need to read articles about their target
languages
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 in order to expand their vocabularies, and knowledge about collocations, their understandings related to the people, who speak that
language
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 are increased indirectly.
Hence
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, their perspectives about other nations tend to develop automatically.
Therefore
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, these youngsters are likely to become more sophisticated adults, thanks to their expanded perspectives, and a wide range of information about different cultures.
Furthermore
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, these benefits may put them at an advantage in their future lives,
for instance
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 applying for a job position in another country.
To conclude
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, learning a foreign
language
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 has essential benefits for individuals.
While
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 exposing
childen
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children
 to new
languages
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 at early
ages
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 may result in overwhelmedness
due to
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 the challenging curriculums, the merits far exceed
demerits
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the demerits
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,
such
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 as having a better
pronouncation
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pronunciation
,
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apply
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 and understanding about different nations, which may make a world of difference in
future
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their future
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 lives of offsprings.

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Task Response
To improve your task response score, ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the task. Make certain to discuss both the advantages and disadvantages of learning a foreign language in primary schools, providing a balanced view.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay will benefit from clearer logical connectors between ideas and paragraphs. Using a wider range of linking words can enhance the flow of your arguments and the overall structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis statement. Similarly, the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points without introducing new information.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Cultural awareness
  • Global perspective
  • Communication skills
  • Linguistic understanding
  • Academic opportunities
  • Professional opportunities
  • Mother tongue
  • Curriculum
  • Interconnected world
  • Foster
  • Enhance
  • Disparities
  • Inequality
  • Implementing
  • Trained teachers
  • Mastering
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Resources
  • Practical challenges
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