IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think women should be given equal chances to work and excel in their careers. Others believe that a woman's role should be limited to taking care of the house and children. Which opinion do you agree with and why? Include specific details and examples to support your choice.

#people #women #chances #work #careers #woman #role #care #house #children #support #choice
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Women
 have different
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 to get the chances and have responsibility in
socieity
Correct your spelling
society
.
However
, some people assume that
woman's
Correct article usage
a woman's
show examples
 role should be limited to taking
care
 of take
care
 of the
house
 and
children
. I am writing
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essay to
argree
Correct your spelling
agree
argue
 that woman should be given equal chances to
work
 and excel in their careers.
Firstly
, working
women
 can have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 economic income
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the family. Nowadays, many female employees have opportunities equally to serve different communities
such
 as becoming
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and
nurse
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
.
Women
 have similar
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 like empathy and
attentive
Replace the word
attention
show examples
 that are more than men. So that they can have good
perfoemance
Correct your spelling
performance
 at
work
 and be willing to communicate with other colleagues.
Lastly
, many
women
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 working and
also
 they are taking
care
 of their
children
 and
house
. A lot of working
women
 have the responsibility to take
care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
 in
house
Add an article
the house
show examples
. They
also
 can have great
work
 at working
place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
. Because most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobs are
9
Change preposition
from 9
show examples
AM to 5PM, after that they can spend some time
to take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
care
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
children
 and
house
.
To conclude
, I believe that
women
 should be given equal chances to
work
 and excel in their careers.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, at least two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use a range of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce the essay topic and present a clear thesis statement in your introduction. Make sure each body paragraph has a clear central idea and is expanded with specific examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
Expand your main points by providing specific and relevant examples, illustrating why women should have equal opportunities for career advancement. Avoid general statements without support.
Task Achievement
Try to complete the response by addressing both views presented in the prompt. Discuss the perspective that differs from your opinion, and then explain why you support the opposing view.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher band score, work on organizing your ideas more effectively and developing paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by supporting details.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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