Creative artists should always be given the freedom to express their own ideas ( in words, pictures, music or film) in wichever way they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Creative
artists
need to always be given the liberty to express their own
ideas
in words, pictures, music or film in order that they wish. There should be no government restrictions on what they do. In my opinion, I agree with
this
statement because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
are creators of
ideas
and expressions, so they need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the independence to do a significant job in our
society
and when they show
the
Change the word
their
show examples
ideas
can teach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
everybody the importance of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
in the
world
. Nowadays,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is important and relevant in
all
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
world
, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the freedom to express
this
Change the determiner
this idea
these ideas
show examples
ideas
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
different ways as words, pictures, music or film.
Moreover
, the expression of
art
is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
elemental subject in our
society
, because
that
Change the determiner
that idea
those ideas
show examples
ideas
can express feelings,
actuallity
Correct your spelling
actually
actuality
or situations that
are happens
Change the verb form
are happening
show examples
in moments around the
world
,
for instance
, a film can show the reality in a special place in the
world
that have a situation with violent crimes or
on the other hand
, a picture can show animals
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
the moment that are hunting.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
is an area that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people can learn
in
Change preposition
about in
show examples
school and universities, and is significant
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals can choose
wath
Correct your spelling
what
area is that like, and can follow a career or develop a new concept with
Correct article usage
an aproach
show examples
aproach
Correct your spelling
approach
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
new topics
for example
, one student of
art
in the university develop a new area of modern painting, so the freedom to express the
ideas
in arts is essential to the develop of the countries.
Besides
, the government need to support
this
Change the determiner
this idea
these ideas
show examples
ideas
, because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
grow
Wrong verb form
has grown
show examples
up with
art
. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
is
principle
Add an article
a principle
the principle
show examples
in the
world
and is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
essential to our
society
, so
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
artists
need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the freedom to express
the
Change the word
their
show examples
ideas
and
also
develop
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
work around the
world
, with
support
Correct article usage
the support
show examples
of
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by niconoman on

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introduction conclusion present
Make sure your essay has a clear introductory sentence that presents your position and a conclusion that summarizes your points effectively. Currently, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and the conclusion could be strengthened.
logical structure
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more clearly, such as however, therefore, thus, consequently, on the other hand, to illustrate, for instance, etc. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
supported main points
Work on developing each point with specific examples and explanations. Rather than just stating that artists teach us the importance of arts, illustrate with clear examples how this is done and why it's valuable.
clear comprehensive ideas
Be comprehensive in your response by addressing potential counterarguments and providing a balanced view, even if you strongly agree with the statement. Presenting the other side shows a thorough understanding of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Include specific, relevant examples to back up your points. Your essay provides general observations instead of concrete examples, like citing specific instances where art or government intervention played a crucial role in societal growth or suppression of expression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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