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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows estimated world illiteracy rates by region and by gender for the last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #world #illiteracy #rates #region #gender #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart shows the percentages of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 with
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 in different parts of the world
last
Linking Words
 year.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that
women
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 higher levels of
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 than
men
Use synonyms
.
Develop
Wrong verb form
Developed
show examples
 countries have the lowest levels of
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 on the chart. Only one
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and two
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 are
Use synonyms
illiteracy
Replace the word
illiterate
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, in Latin American and Caribbean countries the
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 is higher with ten
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
a little
show examples
little
Correct quantifier usage
few
show examples
 more
women
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, In East Asia and
Oceania
Add a comma
Oceania,
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 are illiterate than in Latin America and Caribbean countries but the figure for
women
Use synonyms
 is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
higher at 20%. In
Sub Saharan
Add a hyphen
Sub-Saharan
show examples
 Africa rates are more than twice in East Asia and Oceania. More than thirty
percent
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and a little
lesser
Correct word choice
less
show examples
 than fifty
percent
Use synonyms
 of
women
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 in Arab states
this
Linking Words
 gap is even
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
with less than thirty
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and more than fifty
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
women
Use synonyms
 can’t read or
write
Wrong verb form
writing
show examples
. South Asia has the highest
illiteracy
Use synonyms
 rates on the chart for both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, illiteracy, percent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Illiteracy rates
  • Region
  • Gender disparity
  • Bar chart
  • Estimated
  • Summarise
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Analyzing
  • Discrepancies
  • Significant
  • Pronounced
  • Speculation
  • Male
  • Female
  • Global perspective
  • Literacy
  • Educational attainment
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Cultural influences
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