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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

#technology #work #places
In
the
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apply
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modern
society
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society,
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 advanced
technologies
 are
wide-spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
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 in
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
. In my opinion, the usage of high-tech devices brought a lot of positive changes in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 working process, but, at the same time, technology’s progress is the cause of new drawbacks. In some
industries
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industries,
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 innovations turned upside down the way of producing
,
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apply
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 because now the whole working cycle can be executed by pushing a single button on a computer panel. As
the
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a
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 result, people can do their job faster and easier, using helping machinery.
In other words
, it can be called the
second
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Second
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 Industrial Revolution. Meanwhile, there are several disadvantages
in
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to
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frequent
Correct article usage
the frequent
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using
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use
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 of
technologies
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technology
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. The users rely too much on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 computer brain of their devices, especially in memorising or calculating,
for
this
reason
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reason,
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 their memory and mindset
get
Verb problem
are
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 not so sharp to do it on
it’s
Correct your spelling
their
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 own. So, in a situation, when these users have no access to their gadgets for some reason, they can feel helpless.
For example
, nowadays some
devices’
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devices
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 users can hardly recall telephone numbers and dates of birth of their friends and relatives, since
cellphones
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cell phones
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 are always ready to help,
so
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apply
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people do not need to keep
it
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them
show examples
 in
the
Change the word
their
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 memory.
Finally
, the development of modern
technologies
 affects humans’ health, specifically those employees, whose job is connected with computers. Unwillingly, they lead a sedentary
life style
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lifestyle
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, spending about eight hours sitting at the working desk.
This
 lack of physical activity during
such
 a long period can be the reason
of
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for
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 some diseases,
such
 as obesity and
immobility
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the immobility
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 of joints.
Also
, the long hours in front of the computer monitor can be subversive for the eyesight because of the constant flickering of the screen. In conclusion, technological progress brings many benefits to humanity, making our work and household chores simpler,
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
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 it has some minuses too. It’s essential to keep
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 balance in the usage of
technologies
 and not rely on them too much.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines the key points you will discuss. This will help to guide the reader through your ideas and understand your viewpoint from the beginning.
task achievement
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence. While you provided some examples, more detailed illustrations or anecdotes could strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a logical and clear structure throughout the essay. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next and ensure that paragraphs are well-organized and each contains a single main idea.
coherence and cohesion
A concluding paragraph should not only summarize the main points but should also clearly state your own position or suggest a possible solution or outcome.

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