IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Modern technology is now very common in most work places. How do you think this has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages to relying too much on technology?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
Add a comma
society,
show examples
 advanced
technologies
Use synonyms
 are
wide-spread
Correct your spelling
widespread
show examples
 in
work places
Correct your spelling
workplaces
show examples
. In my opinion, the usage of high-tech devices brought a lot of positive changes in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 working process, but, at the same time, technology’s progress is the cause of new drawbacks. In some
industries
Add a comma
industries,
show examples
 innovations turned upside down the way of producing
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because now the whole working cycle can be executed by pushing a single button on a computer panel. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, people can do their job faster and easier, using helping machinery.
In other words
Linking Words
, it can be called the
second
Capitalize word
Second
show examples
 Industrial Revolution. Meanwhile, there are several disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
frequent
Correct article usage
the frequent
show examples
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. The users rely too much on
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 computer brain of their devices, especially in memorising or calculating,
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add the comma(s)
reason,
show examples
 their memory and mindset
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not so sharp to do it on
it’s
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 own. So, in a situation, when these users have no access to their gadgets for some reason, they can feel helpless.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays some
devices’
Change noun form
devices
show examples
 users can hardly recall telephone numbers and dates of birth of their friends and relatives, since
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 are always ready to help,
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
people do not need to keep
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 memory.
Finally
Linking Words
, the development of modern
technologies
Use synonyms
 affects humans’ health, specifically those employees, whose job is connected with computers. Unwillingly, they lead a sedentary
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
, spending about eight hours sitting at the working desk.
This
Linking Words
 lack of physical activity during
such
Linking Words
 a long period can be the reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and
immobility
Correct article usage
the immobility
show examples
 of joints.
Also
Linking Words
, the long hours in front of the computer monitor can be subversive for the eyesight because of the constant flickering of the screen. In conclusion, technological progress brings many benefits to humanity, making our work and household chores simpler,
Linking Words
nevertheless
Add a comma
nevertheless,
show examples
 it has some minuses too. It’s essential to keep
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 balance in the usage of
technologies
Use synonyms
 and not rely on them too much.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to have a clear thesis statement in your introduction that outlines the key points you will discuss. This will help to guide the reader through your ideas and understand your viewpoint from the beginning.
task achievement
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence. While you provided some examples, more detailed illustrations or anecdotes could strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a logical and clear structure throughout the essay. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader from one idea to the next and ensure that paragraphs are well-organized and each contains a single main idea.
coherence and cohesion
A concluding paragraph should not only summarize the main points but should also clearly state your own position or suggest a possible solution or outcome.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: