IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The pie charts on the left illustrate the proportion of three electricity-generating sources in the German and French markets in 2009 while the charts on the right further detail the composition of the segment of renewable energy in that same year.

The pie charts on the left illustrate the proportion of three electricity-generating sources in the German and French markets in 2009 while the charts on the right further detail the composition of the segment of renewable energy in that same year.
#proportion #three #sources #german #markets #right #detail #composition #segment #energy #year
The charts, on the left, demonstrate the data regarding the percentage of three electricity
resources
 and
th
Correct your spelling
the
 categories of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
renewable sources on the right, in two
Europian
Correct your spelling
European
show examples
 countries, France and
germany
Change the capitalization
Germany
show examples
, in 2009.
Overall
, It's clear that the common thermal
energy
 and nuclear were by far the most popular generators of electricity in both
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
solar and
gethermal
Correct your spelling
geothermal
energy
 were the least popular ones in the case of the five green
energy
resources
. In Germany, Conventional thermal source is accountable for roughly 60% of the chart (59.6), followed by nuclear
energy
 with around a
guarter
Correct your spelling
quarter
.
Finally
, 17.4 of the chart is allotted to the renewable
resources
 used in Germany. In terms of
renable
Correct your spelling
renewable
resources
, biomass and wind
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
consumed virtually
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same amount
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 39.3 and 36.9 respectively.
Moreover
, solar
energy
 and geothermal were rather a negligible part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 German production. Considering the data in France, nuclear
energy
 takes the
lion
Change noun form
lion's
show examples
 share of the pie by 80.5%.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 all the other sources were accountable for almost twenty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the chart, in which solar
energy
 was a small stake with 0.9%.
Submitted by Haniehfathi98 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words resources, energy with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!