An increasing number of people are choosing to have cosmetic surgery in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this a positive or negative development?
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
who
choose cosmetic Correct pronoun usage
apply
surgery
to change their appearance, says
a lot about Correct pronoun usage
which says
popularity
of Add an article
the popularity
such
operation
. Back in the Fix the agreement mistake
operations
days
, only celebrities could afford to do cosmetic surgeries to improve their beauty. Now, almost everyone Fix the agreement mistake
day
are
able to do whatever they want with their face.
Change the verb form
is
The cosmetic
surgeries are understandable to me, only in two cases: Correct article usage
Cosmetic
person
doesn't really like what they see in the mirror or they have some injury. Add an article
a person
the person
Otherwise
, it is just unnecessary
thing to do. Correct article usage
an unnecessary
For example
, my friend had a visible scar on her cheek, which was disturbing her for long
time. She decided to remove it with cosmetic Change the article
a long
surgery
, last
year and I would say, that it actually made her to
love herself even more.
As I said before, an enormous number of celebrities, especially women Change the verb form
apply
use
this
operation as an opportunity to get into Hollywood. Due to
fast-changing trends in media, not everyone can fit into new standards. That's why, we can see a lot of stars use
a
Correct article usage
apply
surgery
so frequently. The Kardashian-Jenners are the most common example in
Change preposition
of
this
situation.
But each coin has a dark side. For instance
, you can see a lot of people
in social media have complications after an unsuccessful operations
. And unfortunately, it is really typical now, because of Correct the article-noun agreement
operation
a non-clarified doctors
and Correct the article-noun agreement
non-clarified doctors
a non-clarified doctor
a
hideous medicine they Correct article usage
the
use
do
their job.
Add the particle
to do
However
, people
continue to use
cosmetic surgery
, in order to change their appearance and that is
only their choice. In conclusion, I would say that this
kind of operations
should be normalised and be more affordable for the Fix the agreement mistake
operation
people
, who really need it.Submitted by sofiaavramenko0906 on
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Task Achievement
To improve Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt. In this essay, you touched on reasons people choose to have cosmetic surgery, but you did not fully explore whether this trend is a positive or negative development. Be sure to include a balanced analysis and clear opinion on this aspect.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, consider beginning with a stronger introduction, outlining what will be discussed. Ensure logical flow between ideas, and utilize a range of cohesive devices. Conclusions should summarize the main points effectively and relate back to the introduction. In your essay, the conclusion could be more comprehensive and directly address the essay prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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