IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many university
students
Use synonyms
 desire to learn different skills to put into their main subjects.
However
Linking Words
, others
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that spending all their time and
attention
Use synonyms
 is vital when they only focus on their qualification. I totally agree that
students
Use synonyms
 need to put their efforts
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 only their occasions to not get distracted from something else
as well as
Linking Words
 developing themselves for their future careers.
Firstly
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, it is a popular belief that
students
Use synonyms
 need to get education on different topics. What they mean is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 gaining different things is beneficial for
students
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, they think that it will help them in their career.
For example
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, when structure engineering
students
Use synonyms
 learn something about biology, they can think differently when they build infrastructure. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 knowing a material is useful when they manage the project.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, keeping themselves busy with different topics causes
losing
Verb problem
a loss
show examples
 of
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
attention
Use synonyms
 to their real subject. If they lose their
attention
Use synonyms
, they will be unsuccessful in their industry.
Thus
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, because of
this
Linking Words
 reason, they should not put other subjects on their main one.
Secondly
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, many people
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that focusing only on one subject during their
study
Use synonyms
 is better. By and large, improvement of their main
study
Use synonyms
 is the key
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their development.
This
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 attitude will make them ready for their future career.
For instance
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,
according to
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 Ankara University reports, the reports indicate that student who studies their main object develop themselves far better than others.
Moreover
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,
students
Use synonyms
 easily pass their exams when they only
study
Use synonyms
 about their topics. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 idea.
Hence
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,
students
Use synonyms
 have to focus just on their qualifications. In conclusion, a great deal of
students
Use synonyms
 think that they should get different skills which are beneficial for them
while
Linking Words
 others think they must only dedicate themselves
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their qualifications. I agree that
students
Use synonyms
 must not be focused on different things during their
study
Use synonyms
 as it will help them to improve themselves more for their career
as well as
Linking Words
 focusing only on one thing without losing
attention
Use synonyms
 from something else.

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Introduction
Develop a clear thesis statement in your introduction to establish your main argument. Also, make sure to introduce the topic properly and present both sides of the argument before stating your opinion.
Logical Structure
Improve the logical structure by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a topic sentence and supporting sentences that relate directly to the topic sentence.
Cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect sentences and paragraphs, and ensure that paragraphs flow smoothly from one idea to the next. Avoid abrupt transitions.
Supported Main Points
Expand on your main points by providing more developed arguments, explanations, and examples. Make sure that every main point is backed by clear, specific, and relevant support.
Task Response
Fully address all parts of the task by discussing both views presented in the prompt as well as your own opinion. Ensure that you provide a balanced discussion of both sides before giving your opinion.
Relevant Specific Examples
Use specific examples from real-life experiences or credible sources to illustrate your points. Avoid overly general statements or unsupported claims.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
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