IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
#transport #food #health #care #goods #services #japan #malaysia
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The given pie charts
informs
Change the verb form
inform
show examples
 us about how much
money
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average on five different
goods
 and service categories by the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of Japan and Malaysia in 2010. Looking at the information, it is shown that
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 spent most of their
money
to buy
Change the verb form
buying
show examples
 other
goods
 and
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
,
while
 housing is the category
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysians
show examples
 spent most of their
money
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. Housing, food, and other
goods
 and services are the categories
which
Change preposition
on which
show examples
 both
Japanese
 and
Malaysian
Replace the word
Malaysians
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 the most of their
money
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. The average
Malaysian
 spent 34
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their
money
 in the housing
sector
,
while
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
 spent
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 average
21
Change preposition
of 21
show examples
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Next,
Malaysian
 and
Japanese
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 spent
great
Add an article
the great
a great
show examples
 deal amount of
money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the other
goods
 and service
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
, with 26% and 29% respectively. Followed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the food
sector
, in which
Malaysian
Fix the agreement mistake
Malaysians
show examples
 spent 27% of their
money
 and
Japanese
 29%.
However
, there was a significant difference
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
 in the spending
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
transport
Add an article
the transport
show examples
sector
, with
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
show examples
spent
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their
money
on
Correct pronoun usage
on it
show examples
,
while
Malaysian
Correct article usage
the Malaysian
show examples
 only 10%.
However
,
Japanese
 and
Malaysian
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
both spent the least amount of
money
 in the
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
sector
, with 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 respectively.
Submitted by skripsinana8 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, goods, japanese, malaysian, percent, sector with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average spending
  • housing expenditures
  • transport costs
  • consumption habits
  • health care budget
  • goods and services
  • economic factors
  • cultural influences
  • urban vs rural spending
  • disposable income
  • financial priorities
  • significant discrepancies
  • budget allocation
  • grocery bills
  • comparative analysis
  • fiscal management
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